ever-changing

I lost myself for a little again,

it was that through it all I still was not doing it my way, let alone any way.

living based on the flow of others' existence.

I sit thinking acknowledgment will bring change in me somehow; I want everything so fast without even really understanding what I want; You can't be five steps ahead of yourself when your first step is telling yourself that you aren't capable of the next miles ahead.

I would like to say that I know what I am doing but I don't. I have no clue what I am doing within myself or my life or I do but I am so blind to what is right in front of me.

I never know whether I'm in my own way or just needing to pick myself up again.

Breaking free is creating the exit in a dead end.

It seems as though coming alive is withering away first.

death doesn't have to be so bad,

death of ego,

of self,

of expectations,

of past, present and future.

to be reborn is to become god yourself and create you from scratch.

alone, alone, alone, that's what they keep telling me.

I have to do this alone,

Alone is the best place to find out who you are.

until I see myself for who I am, neither will anybody else.

attached to being a wallflower rather than the whole garden,

attached to being a shadow not the body,

attached to an idea but never the process.