Etched on my tongue

I saw a fox yesterday. She was crossing

The street when our eyes met.

She turned around and fled,

Scurried hurriedly (scaredly) away.

And I thought of autumn

And that hazy dream,

Distant and almost forgotten:

There were maple leaves—bronze, saffron,

Burnt umber and rust;

And there was a stray dog.

I woke up in tears, barely breathing,

Gasping for air. Seizing

Morning dusk (dawn?). Grasping reality.

Regaining and embracing integrity.

What else was there in that dream?

Uncertainty is intimidating.

Did I miss something again?

Navigating through these vibrant

But also blurry and shaded

Color flashes, I choose to halt by a drowsy park.

Heaps of leaves. Skulking past this midst,

My memories. It's me and you and few

More friends. No longer kids,

But still so very young.

We play the game of trust.

I am a catcher. You stay with your

Eyes closed—it sharpens your senses, you say—

Behind you fumes a heap of leaves:

All shades of orange, and this scent,

The musky-sweet and pungent scent

Of rot and death and something

So inexplicably attractive-evocative.

This is autumn.

Behind you, there's the heap of soggy leaves

And me, with arms wide open,

Ready to catch. Your body wobbles

In hesitation. Are my hands strong enough?

Are my eyes sharp enough? my reaction fast enough?

My grip firm? my heart determined?

Uncertainty intimidates.

Take a deep breath and—

                                          You let it fall—

                                 I wait—

                        the distance fades,

               melts, thaws—

         I wait—

You didn't even bend your knees—

Wait, did I eventually catch you?

Then what are you so furious about?

Don't say that you did not enjoy

The benefit of the doubt, and

How hormones kicked in.

So thin is this memory,

Autumn gossamer.

Farewell.

I didn't see the fox today.

There were only winds howling

And whispering in my ears.

Years passing past my eyes.

And the scent of autumn leaves

Etched on my tongue

Threatening to leave me.

Please, don't.