Error & Trial (Life With ADHD)

Every step is a new,

every day, at square one.

Is life nothing more than this vicious cycle of trial and error?

All acquired information is soon ejected,

only to be new again in the very next moment‐

everyday, the same choices are present, but always the wrong are selected.

To no limit, counted attempts climb, until they collapse to the floor in a mess‐

by each day regrets count higher than any arguable success.

By each night, there is not a single second of quiet,

and no such a thing as rest‐

in such a "house" I've never known comfort-

love has since long left.

Bereft of peace, all that remain are the elements of torment I so famously repeat,

and the tales of such are all that are ever kept only somewhat neat.

Is this trial and error, or error and trial?

Every thought, every word, and every which way my heart goes‐

is wrong.

To what point is reproof but to prove the high order of maintenance that I must have in place?

No amount of "guardrails" could ever keep me safe‐

that is, if it's me I need to stay away from.

The most consistently inconsistent to ever be,

his only constant is the screaming that he contains in the burning paradise that is he.

In a place in which the lights don't turn off, life has become comparable to torture,

but this chaos is all that has ever been,

never has there been a former.

Every day starting from zero, with zero margin for error‐

no room for trying, or trying again.

Is this trial and error, or error and trial?

Who is there to call?

For what help can I dial?

I've had more than double in what I need for correction,

I am aware of my wrongs but know of nothing else‐

I can count my sin but not recall anything else‐

Each and every trial ends in error,

and the cycle continues‐

every step is the first, every day revisiting square number one‐

this is not trial and error,

but error and trial.