Endless

Endless

The yelling

Repetitive and trivial words

Thrown around at each other

Until one of us completely breaks

Gives in and just tuck our ego in between our legs

Allow defeat

To put an end to the infinite headache

That had manipulated the pain we both feel

Like monsters in our own way

The method in the madness

Trying to protect the feelings that have so quickly consumed

Confused, filled us with false hope

Love that we never thought we would seek again

And again the fighting

Still echoing in my ear

Even after the fighting stopped

Then take a deep breath

Masking what damage we had been enduring,

Begging, pleading with our bAttle fought against ourself

Attempting to lay our heads to rest

But restlessly we faked sleep,

Tossing, Turning

Crying in my sleep

Dreaming of your betrayal

Denial, Knowing in my gut

The lies would only continue to prove that trust with you was but false Time

And time again

Trying to be sympathetic

The secret

The combination in this life where it

Keeps continuously kicking us both down

And down I fell to the floor

Holding my head in so much confusion

Pain, Everything surreal

Realizing there's blood gushing

From where we strike each other with hate and resentment

Trying to beat sense into one another

Not being able to voice

Incapable of understanding what the other was so deeply conflicted with

Fear that we have already gone too far

Too many mistakes

Too unrepairable to go back

Make amends, fix

The love that use to flow so vividly through our veins

That are bruised now from all the regret

The desire to be the conquerer

In control of all the emotions

Destined to constantly spiral out of control

Pure contradicting chaos

Lost in the immense amount of thoughts

Racing through your head

Consuming you with doubt in your truth

Miraging, the foundation of a beautiful life

So close, so easily attainable

We struggled with one another

Struggling in existence

Only to show true strength in partnership

All it took was one bat of an eyelash

Another deceitful intention

Packaged with the promise of a false fairytale

Disappear, Thin air

Like a ghost, Completely traceless

Unable to see, sense, feel

Left alone, a familiar feeling

Almost has a twisted sense of comfort

A sad fate for one who has known nothing but

This time truly on my own

Nowhere to run to

Nowhere to hide

No shoulder to cry on

At the expense of someone else selfishly seeking just that

Thoughts racing

Racing, Numbing, Helpless

Racing, racing

Nothing but fading memories in a dark empty shell of a beaten woman

So hollow, so shallow

Pathetic questioning likely to go unanswered

By the one who so cruelly implied these theories

My thoughts fill with every negative emotion,

Scenario, choice

Needing more than just closure

More deserving of

The treatment a man should provide the woman he once told he loved

Whether the authenticity was a knock off

Or a miracle of gold struck in the mines of our almost forgotten vessels

Remembering that choices come with consequences

Having the courage to spare the victim

Who only sought to heal the pain

Realizing that accountability for wrongdoing was actually the easy choice

Still given the privilege of forgiveness

Which can only be fabricated

If the asking of such held promise of the words that slipped from their lips

The lips so silky and pillowy

A place of comfort and unity

Leaving their soul to radiate

Energy that fills me not with lingering uncertainty

Instead, peace that we put up an honorable fight to stand for

A love that once was a lit flame of security

In the darkness we called our thoughts

Thoughts, that are endless

Our book still left with blank pages

A story left unfinished

To hopefully fill with forgiveness

Lessons learned, reminders, strength,

Maybe even a plot twist

Which is far from what reality rationally has bestowed on us

Yet Our destiny and fate not set stone

Still left with choices

Choices that could come with no consequences

But acceptance, guidance, and change

For what we once thoughtlessly fought over

And never each others opponent

The same bet we threw all in

With what was our money

Yet allowed to fill our eyes so easily with greed

That became a false battle

Who would receive a more bountiful portion of a jackpot

Never meant to be divided

The passion that was so real

Could not have been a delusion

If that were the truth

We both chose the wrong route

A chicken without its head,

Running in circles looking for safety

But could not for the life of them

See so obviously what was laying in front of them

The entire time

Unconditional

Soul searching belonging

Love

I hope for all these things still

Hopeless romantic

Who truly felt that the loneliness we know all too familiar

Could heal with the purely innocent, nature of joy

Love that we thoughtfully instilled in one another

Endless

The possibility of righteousness

For the sake of love

Endless

The world filled with those bright-eyed hopes

Of finally reaching homeland

Endless

The endurance to never give up on a promise I always intended to keep

Truly yours,

String Bean