Emotions of a Nobody

Perception is reality. Anger is a blemish. Sensitivity, a weakness. The way they see me is the way I am. Acceptability contingent on however I'm viewed. Constantly judging my reactions and inactions; belittling my state of mind into a debilitating void of self-deprecation. Forcing me to face my own faults. Precariously pacing the thin line of who I am and who I "should be". They're confounded by the rampage of the woken bear--but who set off the alarm? Perception is not reality. I am angry when I'm angry. I'm sad when I'm sad. And when the time comes, I no longer let fear of judgement keep me from embracing my happiness. The heady feeling; the giddiness of being who I want to be.

-Who I am-

I am not the same me. I'm just not me. I see this completely unfamiliar young woman in the mirror. And most of the time, it's hard to even look at her. She frowns. All the nonsense I have extracted, she resents it. She resents me. She even cries for me. She prays that I'd finally find my way back from where I now reside. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would try to make better choices... better decisions. Every time I think I've made the best one, it turns out to be the worst. I hear the whispers. I hear the undertones of the things I've done. And it induces my thoughts and emotions. I try to disguise it. But my sentiments lie on my sleeves; my afflictions engrossed on my face. Obscuring myself from my colleagues only increases the gossip. Being encountered never seems to decrease it. It only seems to make it more intolerable. Every day, I lie in my contemplation of my onset to my betterment but my mind always seems to disposition to what my flesh desires. Not really seeing the consequences of my effectuation, I can only hope that the Lord Jesus will have compassion for me and see that my heart will never be selfsame to my mortality that I will try my best to redeem the Ramsey that He reminisces.

This is the emotion of another nobody.

R. Nichole G. (old penname)