dresses

growing up i hated dresses

as soon as i could dress myself

it was pants

at least that’s what i remember

i remember things like dresses and skirts

were for playing dress up

not for everyday wear

plus it was super hard to play in the forest

in a stupid dress

that’s why its so funny that things ended up

the way they did

i was teaching at a junior statesmen association summer camp

when i saw them

the teenage girls from samoa

dressed up for speaker’s day

see

we tell the students upon registration for camp

that they will have to bring with them

“a nice outfit for speaker’s day”

and on that day they filed into the cafeteria

young men in ill fitting suits

maybe hand me downs from older brothers

young ladies in frilly skirts

and teetering on heels they haven’t had enough practice on

and then there were the samoan girls

in these beautiful long skirts and perfectly matching tunics

and flip flops

and they were bigger girls

like me

at this same time that i saw these young women

i was also in the midst of searching for my

wedding dress

i did not want one of those

giant wedding cake toppers

the kind of dress with which you need help getting through doorways

i’d look like lucille ball as scarlet o’hara

i just wanted something simple

and i wasn’t finding anything in my city.

the two plus size stores in town didn’t have anything that would even come close to the idea of a wedding dress

and macy’s and jc penny’s only had frumpy ugly moo moo’s or loud obnoxious sequined numbers that would only be worn by old ladies at their 40th class reunion

and then there it was

right in front of me

another surprise

getting cereal from the big plexi glass tubes

was my wedding dress!

but it was on a teenage girl

and it wasn’t really mine

...yet

“excuse me, ladies”

“yes, professor?”

“may i ask you about your dresses?”

“oh these? these are pula tasis. you like?”

after a brief lesson over cocoa puffs and cheerios

i learned about the traditional female dress of samoa

the pula tasi

“where do i get one? how much do they cost? can i buy one on line?”

they laughed

“no professor, you can’t buy them anywhere.”

i almost began to cry

“but my mom will make you one.”

i was taken aback

what a thing to offer of your mother

what a thing to offer to a stranger

but a few emails and

two pictures of myself

and a faith that this would all work out

my wedding dress was being made in samoa.

one month went by

another month went by

two more weeks go by

i’m now in full panic mode

i should have had these three weeks ago

and she’s not returning my emails

i’m checking the weather channel

for any changed weather patterns in the samoan region

nothing

we have everything else ready

my wife has her tuxedo

we have the food

the tables and chairs

the decorations

our friend a-train even rented a porta potty for us!

but

i have no dress

the one thing i never wanted

is the one thing i desperately want and need

ten days to go

i head into union square

where all the fancy stores are

and the only salesperson to walk up to me and ask to help me

was at nordstrom

she was so sweet as she listened to me cry and tell her my story

she kept bringing me things to try on

with me vetoing most of it

but by the time i left i had

my wedding dress

almost

i needed one size bigger than what they had in stock

and the only store with my size

the closest store with my size

was anchorage alaska

so no

i did not actually have

my wedding dress

five days to go

ups shows up at my door

its here its here

hmph

weird

the box is smaller than i thought it would be

read return label

‘american samoa’

you’ve got to be shitting me

open the box

read letter placed on top of gold satin

“dear professor marina,

congratulations on your wedding day!

it is customary in our culture

that the bride wear three dresses

one to marry in

one to eat in and

one to dance and celebrate in

as our weddings last quite some time!”

what the what?!?!

i look under the gold satin

to reveal

three beautiful pula tasis

i had to try each of them on

skeptical as she only had two photos and my size

so i pray

and lo and behold

they fit

perfectly

i cry tears of joy

four days to go

ups shows up at my door

this box is bigger

right

anchorage alaska

my other dress

try it on

it fits perfectly

i now have

four wedding dresses

i call my best friend over

i can’t let patti see me in any of them

and no one is actually going to believe that i have

four wedding dresses

look in my closet

i don’t own any dresses

now i have

four wedding dresses

naomi walks into our house

“what the fuck do you mean you have

four wedding dresses?”

i show her the letter

she reads it

all the while making her

betty rumble giggle

we play fashion show for an hour

decide when to wear each of them

because i am going to wear all of them

we mix and match shoes

try barefoot

flip flops?

hair up or down?

ear rings?

my grandma’s necklace for sure

and her scarf tied around my bouquet

three days to go

now i can truly

wholeheartedly

be excited for the day

when i can walk down the aisle

in one of my wedding dress