Dismantled Perhaps

Dismantled Perhaps’

The sounds of the broom’s mouth

Old and choking with dust rise from

The ground as they’d been what hot air is

Sometimes (before all this)

Before I was what I am the

World was what is now not -

Robbed by our own (can you believe it?)

Both of us. Like an argument lost

By the argumentative, I wait for

Night each night. And night always comes.

I am made of a terrible amount of

Dismantled perhaps’. I contradict even

My belief in my own contradictions. Before

I was what I am I feared the madness with

Which I loved. It only took a lifetime for

Me to realize that I must love madly, for

Love maddened by its madness’ intensity

Is the only love I know to be real — the heart,

Torn at the seams burns burns burns like money.

I burn.

Everything in me is made of water -salt

Water taken from the primordial sea. I rise

With all my waves -flooding buildings, houses,

Eyes, ears, lungs, spleens, roads,

Valleys — treacherous and beautiful. Before

I was what I am the Moon was but another

Insignificant thing. Now, vigilant, both of us,

Of earth’s intricacy. Both of us. Like forgiveness

Lost by the one who forgives, I welcome

Bitterness. And I smear a little honey on the places

Where it settles. I am made of a terrible amount

Of dismantled parting of ways. I don’t run from them.

They’re only little children. Before

I was what I am I feared the madness with

Which I grieved. It only took the ripping Of my chest for

me to realize that I must Grieve madly, for

Grief maddened by its own intensity

Is the only love I know to be real — life,

Torn at the seams burns burns burns like money.

I burn.

Sometimes,

You can even hear me sing.

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"Dismantled Perhaps" (2024) by Meri Utkovska, from her upcoming book FRACTURED PERCEPTIONS

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