Disassociative Identity

~ Aria Marie de Lor Vampilyo ~

Sometimes there are names

Other words to describe a piece of your soul

Dissociative tendencies arise

Disconnected from everything that you know

As you sit and shudder through the snap

The break within

Tingling shudders through my shoulders

Rises to embrace my chin

There’s tension crushing my neck

There’s pain brushing against my brain

I’ll walk between the lines

Of self and sanity

~

I’ve stared at this screen

Wondering if I’ll remember how to breathe

Remembering her embrace

Smoky gray eyes,

Stern and stubborn chin

As her lips smirk

With a crooked smile

~

I remember her well

I know every thought

I know every line of her tormented soul

You’ll remember my name

She screams at me

I’ll protect you from their pain

~

A trauma response

Born out of darkness and agony

There’s so much discomfort

So much hurt inside me

Strong, stubborn, a shield

To stand before the void of life

My protector,

My spirit,

Marie

~

This is my life

She threatens

Your spirit is mine now.

All the power you need to defeat them

Lives within us.

I’ll be your sword and shield.

~

Trauma

Demons

Awful humans

Committing horrific acts against children

Leaving them broken

Dimming my light

Suffocating me into silence

~

Thunder smothers the air

The child within cowers and hides

Marie, come to me, I beg

Save me.

Like a beast slumbering

She opens her eyes

Sparks of lightning within her gray orbs of light

Searching the woods for the child

Spinning her sword nonchalantly around her body

As the demons screech

Striking down the shadows

One by one

~

For too long,

I’ve denied her

My partner pushed away her existence

Shut her out

Stored her in a box in my mind

Shackled and chained where she couldn’t escape

Metal clatters to the floor

As I’ve swung the axe to set her free

~

Every shadow

Every pain

Every piece of shame

Is now mine to claim

Marie raises her head and stares me down

Her smile is wickedly sweet

Her touch soft to my shoulders

As she embraces me

I cry

I sob

I am Marie.

I take a deep breathe

I let her embrace me

Before she’s gone

Her power, her existence blossoms within me

I inhale

Taking my time to savor the breath,

Taking the time to stretch my arms and legs

Until the blood is rushing to every part of my body

I feel her

I am her

I am Marie.