Could

after the workday is over

once all my class work is out of the way and i finish another task at the office

i throw on my all black clothing

getting ready to do another show

all the while i do it

every woman i see in the crowd

i like to imagine that it’s you i’m spitting these words to

i wish you could listen

give some of your feedback

that would help me a dozen

after i put the mic back onto its stand

all these people rush up to me to tell me how much my words have impacted them

i wish you could have been there so that my words would have impacted you too

the day begins all over again

back to my normal, miserable life

back to a life where i’ll have to deal with ostracizing

depression

worthlessness

lack of funds

and mood swings

through the fantasies i create of us meeting again

it’s the only thing that gets me through the day

pretending that you’re there cheering me on keeps me fucking going

whenever i see you active on social media

that keeps me fucking going too

it kinda feels like you’re there telling me to get my shit together

although we may not be together

that’s fine

i’m cool with that

i wish i could have been your friend sooner

i’m too late now

i won’t be able to win you over anymore

and yes

that hurts me a lot