Cosmos Jack Watch

1. Like any story worth its ink

this starts with, “Once upon a time”

It stars, yours truly (which means me)

beside my watch's magical chime

A gift from a Cosmos-jack box

this watch I fit around my wrist

Now when I hear “West Minster” bells

I get pulled through time with a twist!

So far my luck has not been kind

See? Been singled out as a male witch

This back in 1693

by 1 CONNIVING Salem snitch

My knowledge of things to come

or the music with me, I brought

Maybe this watch around my wrist

with all this modern crap, I'm caught

My watch spares me a hangman's noose

from the gallows it tore me free

Now I find myself in Danzig

under attack by Germany

Poland is not my cup of tea

at least in 1939

Too much at stake when bullets fly

when the next life lost could be mine

How'd that work ... if Death took me now?

Could I die before I'm conceived???

I'm not willing to paradox

too much trouble; this I believe

I deflate in large relief now,

as I'm just sort of dropped off here

The sloshing water sounds serene

as the sun - east will soon appear

I might just hyperventilate

as a cannon's blast spoils the mood

Fort Sumter bombards around me

in the Civil War I've intrude

What should have been a peaceful dawn

leaves me waving the whitest flag

Cowardice acts 'tween us to them

and the south leaves this party stag

I arrive in The Grapes of Wrath

and see Boise City at her worst

This land I see's such a wasteland

the earth around here MUST be cursed

Grit stings my eyes and pelts my face

in this twisted tsunami of sorts

Dirt and air blots the life right out

as its soot dusts over my shorts

I made friends with Billy the Kid

and lost at stud to Holliday

I even flinched at “BANG, BANG, BANG!”

and saw J. F. K. blown away

The next trip that I underwent

a good time to be had by all

Well? Until I made out the name

“Titanic” stenciled on the hull

Oh no! I can't sit and enjoy

this luxurious little cruise

What's faint and distant history

is going to be tonight's news

Could almost taste my icy fate

as I was reprieved from the drink

From 1912, I hitched a ride

back home to pen this down in ink

2.Like most sequels to a saga

this one starts right where we left off

Still wearing this Cosmos-jack Watch

I came down with a nasty cough

The dust bowl and the Titanic

perhaps left me a little scathed

But with a twist West Minster Bells

claims me right after I have bathed

In my house coat and some slippers

May 6th, 1937

Watching the Hindenburg come down

36 souls called up to Heaven

I don't even want to be here

Don't you think I've seen enough?!

History hasn't been nice to me

This disaster's a little rough

In the cruelest way imagined

Almost answering my complaint

The watch drags me to the future

and thrilled beyond belief I ain't

A Czar that calls himself Moffet

runs this place with an iron fist

When the rebels called him Hitler

Mister Eye-patch got slightly pissed

Hopefully this isn't preordained

and questioning things like free will

I'm not ready when time runs out

for once in my life I could kill

From an encampment in Dubuque

I'm hauled to the 1980s

Big blond hair and leather leggings

aren't just on the era ladies

The radio waves belong to

Houston, Bon Jovi and Star Ship

No one's heard of grunge rock just yet and

remember how vinyl can skip?

Back home they'd call these styles “retro”

but here it is fashionable

Paint splatter and acid washed jeans

The keytar's completely rational

Rippling across the fabric of time

like a flat stone skipping the tide

I took directions from Tesla

while giving Beethoven a ride

At some point during our adventure

we gained a knight in shining armor

Are you aware that President

Andrew Jackson was a farmer?!

The next place the time piece takes me

even though I'm eager to stop

Nuclear sight in New Mexico

and the bomb's about to drop

I don't believe duck and cover

is sufficient for protection

After it's over and done with

You'll see my shadow projection

I missed the giant mushroom cloud

as I was pulled out of harms way

Mildly was I relieved to find

that I'm back here in modern day

Returned from 1945

and took the thing off of my wrist

I've been occupied for a week

and all that time from work I missed