Confused AF

As I wright this "thing",

I reminisce about everything that has happened. From highs to lows, life is a total mystery that I cannot explain. Sure I believe in God, but all that I can't understand is why he put me in this unprofound and uncanny situation.

Sure, life is great but is this what he intended for me to grow as a person? I don't doubt him, I really don't.

But all I want are signs and signals.

Signs and signals that were already obvious but being the blind dumbass person that I am, I completely ignored them all.

I know how much of a dumbass I am but at least I am aware of how stupid and desperate I get sometimes on something that I truly want and need in my life.

People say I cry too much but who cares? At least I don't give up on shit that I truly care for. I might sound pushy, needy, and forceful but that's just me being too optimistic in life.

Always see the good in everyone and everything even though it takes a toll on my mental and physical health.

To the point of slowly losing it.

Sometimes those situations are too good to be true, especially to the people you thought loved you.

But hey that's life!

Wanting to split into two just so I can beat myself up and beat our supposed "loved" ones.

After rambling words here and there that don't seem to match, finishing this all I can say is...

I'm still confused AF