Colorless

Hello

I am an average person living my average life in this average world

When I walk, the ground does not quake

When I speak, my audience does not react

I reach out to you, to you and your emotions

What is that like?

I have long forgotten.

I begin this outstretching

of my mindless appendages

by telling you what it was like

What it was like to feel

In the early days,

when all that mattered was playing games

and associating with my acquaintances,

life felt adequate

I was not unhappy

Divorce at age three

Not understanding what this entailed, I clearly did not have a care in the world

Later in life, there’s the pleasure of participating in a school play

I suppose I enjoyed it. I suppose I hated it.

As any other child, I participated in the fads

My favorite color jumped from blue to red to black to pink to yellow

Now, I don’t know

Favorite is such a strange word to use in reference to the way a light refracts off of objects

Grey is such a knowing color

You see grey, and you see me

So much feeling in one color

Black and white,

one being the absence of color, the other being all of them,

somehow magically combine to make the glistening purity of the wolven pigment

I feel too much. This is my burden.

When another is hurt, I can not look for fear of experiencing the same pain

I feel so much, that I feel nothing

Sadness is the blue in my ocean.

Anger is the red in the fallen Autumn leaves on my land.

Joy is the sunny yellow of my sky.

I look around and I see color

I see emotion, but do you?

I see the floor, with its perfectly articulated symmetry

I see the walls, and their quiet but important role in the play of a house

If it snows, do you take the time to see?

Not to simply watch, but to observe

Do you let the cold rainbow of the ecstatic atmosphere absorb into your seemingly untouched surface

When I speak, why is it that my audience has no reaction?

Why must they not care?

Some say technology is the reason for our struggles.

I say that the reason for our incapability to care, is each other

We speak as though it really matters

As if you are making a difference

I appreciate you, reader, and I hope you understand

You and your trivial concerns matter to me, but I only wish I mattered to you, too

Someday I will brighten again

Someday my orange and purple and green will return;

however, for now,

as I live in this world darkened by the idea that one life matters over another,

that some people can do things others can’t

just because of your absurd ideology that you think you know what you’re talking about,

I will remain

Grey

I will remain

Colorless