Climbing Age and Sloping Back
My entry for the 2025 Ralph Angel Poetry Prize
For someone on the low-rung of the ladder of life,
it seems in vain to think of anything
beyond my own impossibly unimportant bubble.
But still, as I toil away
and try to make sense of the decisions and mistakes I make,
while using the bad to make good,
or at least make something,
I find myself pondering
why I toe the line
between arrogance and self-confidence so often.
#
So often, I find myself dismayed
at how easily and readily I am overlooked
when it is superabundantly clear to me
that exceptionality is something I exude.
#
We are all the main characters in our life.
This is true,
but I have always felt I am destined for greater things,
opposed to paddling in the dirty mire of obscurity.
#
No—
Notoriety and fame,
whichever comes first or lasts longest.
If either, or both, I've achieved something.
#
There are several points—no not points.
Seemingly tiny and inconspicuous,
without bearing on anything of import.
There are several huge-scale, life-defining moments in my life,
as is the case for anyone else on this journey we call existence,
when I could have taken different paths.
#
We all have those nexus moments.
Those pivotal chances
for greatness or redundancy:
The job interview,
the first date,
the first date job interview,
the treatment for a debilitating and, frankly,
potentially fatal disease—
one I have not yet had to face.
#
So many firsts.
So many turnpikes.
A Frost-like fork.
#
Stay at school,
go get drunk,
or vote for the most likeable candidate.
They only seem like points
at the point of contact.
#
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the—
No.
Not rehashing that fabled cliché.
Mirror, mirror, not on the wall,
cast aside from the wall,
so as not to redirect truth held within
back towards me.
#
Who is the complicated man
of climbing age and sloping back?
#
Cause and effect,
cause and defect,
cause and reflect,
cause and deflect.
#
Self-awareness is only so efficient at furthering my existence,
as one step back
so often leads to two steps backward.
Is forward motion really forward
if backward is your constancy?
#
There are several points—no not points.
There are several huge-scale, life-defining moments in my life
when I could have taken different paths.
We all have those nexus moments.
Those pivotal chances for greatness or redundancy.
#
Leave school or fight for that role—
the job you'll die in.
Choose that girl—no, not your wife—
for a burger, not a juicy steak.
Rip that stake in stability
for abandonment and frivolity.
#
What if the nexus event is not the nexus event,
but another step towards infamy of the worst kind?
#
And still I wonder,
ponder,
ruminate;
what if this is the mistake—
not that fork?
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: As I've said to some and mentioned in some of my posts and comments, I've been branching out and trying to get published on different places and entered a few competitions. The above poem was my unsuccessful entry for the Ralph Angel Poetry Prize 2025. There was no theme, so you could enter a poem about anything.
I've had it since May 1st, so it's one of the longest periods of time I've gone without sharing a newly written piece.
Am I gutted I didn't place in the competition? Of course. Do I think it was a waste of time? No. You need to enter these things to have a chance. If you never try, you will never win.
Here are some other things:
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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'20/20'
"Do It Again" the track that would ultimately open the Beach Boys final album on Capitol Records which was released on February 10th 1969 had originally been released as a single in August of 1968. The track was the first of many post-Pet Sounds era throwbacks to the early Beach Boys sound which would become continually more cliched and eventually lead the Beach Boys to the level of self-parody they would eventually succumb to in the 1980s while their closest contemporaries The Beatles nearing the end of their run in 1969 would go on to be viewed as the most influential band of all time. However, the song itself is not bad on its surface, and it opens with a futuristic sounding (for 1969) drumbeat captured by then-Beach Boys engineer Stephen Desper using tape delays on the drums performed by Dennis Wilson and John Guerin. The song has been re-recorded numerous times over the years on various Beach Boys-related projects most notably the 2011 re-recording at Capitol studios featuring the five surviving Beach Boys at the time backed instrumentally by various members of both the Brian Wilson Band and Mike Loves touring "Beach Boys" to promote the then upcoming Beach Boys 50th Anniversary reunion tour in 2012. The hammering and power drill sound at the end of the song was an excerpt from a track called "Workshop" that was to be a part of the uncompleted "SMiLE" album.
By Sean Callaghan6 days ago in Beat
Comments (14)
Wow... this was so relatable and thought provoking!! Left me reeling a little, in a good way!! Also, belated congrats on your leaderboard placement a few weeks ago!! Happy to be back and supporting you again, Paul!! 😁
I just saw your leaderboard placement 🎉🎉 Congrats!! Very well deserved :) (And sorry, I'm so late to every party here due to work now. But I will catch up on everything eventually. I hope)
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Do you have the complaint form for Ralph Angel Poetry Prize? I'll complain to them for not picking yours as the winner! Goddamn, we all know you deserve it (with triple prize money, of course). I hope you keep entering competitions and keep growing. Sorry, that's not me saying you need to grow or anything - I just think there isn't a limit for writers and every time we write, we learn and develop. This poem is another one where so many lines stand out in the brain, haha. The regret of choice and always thinking "what if had taken that path?" is one of many plagues on the brain. You wrote it splendidly, Paul!
You are the King of Raw Emotion, my friend, and that's what I really enjoy about your work :) Love how you captured the weight of choice and self-reflection in such an honest way. Awesome job, as always! So cool you've been branching out elsewhere.
I love the cause and effect, cause and deflect lines.... Good on for entering. I have a feeling that your work will be recognized, dammit, you work hard enough. Good luck in all your ventures Paul.
Very thought-provoking poem, Paul. It's so hard not to wonder about those forks in the road and all the "what ifs" and yet doing so is the only definitive dead end. I'd say that the journey to progress, growth, success, is much like the journey of sanctification it never looks the way you think it will and it is never linear. What seems backwards from our point of view is just a part of the pattern someone with a better vantage point can see. Anyways, wonderful poem, Paul! If I may, I'd encourage you to reconsider the (unsuccessful) in the subtitle. Maybe it didn't win, but I don't think it deserves that label
This was a wonderful poem. It felt so much like being 45 and thinking, how did I get here? This isn't where I thought I'd be by now.
Keep writing. Keep entering. You’re on the right path, even if it winds.
We all make our own choices and hopefully more right ones than wrong ones. That is what life is all about the various choices that we make. Good job.
Firstly, I really like this poem. But I have an observation or two: there is enough irony in this poem to sink a small ship. It also occurs to me that its main themes - the illusion and significance (insignificance?) of choice in life and the capriciousness of destiny. If life is potentiality, our awareness of that falls under the infamous ‘If only I had’ curse. Honestly, even if we are truly gifted and bust our asses in order to achieve it, there is still no guarantee of worldly success. Have we taken the wrong path? Has the road less taken really made all the difference? Who the fuck knows? What I do know is that you are both a ballsy and talented poet. And if you keep plugging away you may well gain recognition for it. But even if you don’t, the fact that you showed up for this life and stood for something real is worthy declaring yourself a success.
Quite a mind spinning read! I especially like: “ No. Not rehashing that fabled cliché. Mirror, mirror, not on the wall, cast aside from the wall, so as not to redirect truth held within back towards me.”
There’s something so quietly epic about this. Like standing at the edge of your own reflection and daring to ask the hard questions. Honest, raw, and beautifully layered.
This created so much to reflect on as I moved through the piece. Needed to stop and reread parts again to reorient myself, lol. It was a thoughtful piece, so sorry it did not get chosen, but glad you got to share it here :) (as an aside, there were a few bits that almost matched the poem I shared today...great minds? crazy minds? something like that haha