I love this life that I am currently living and that’s what I am afraid of loving it too much.
I am the main character, can it stay that way please? Yet, I see the joy of what a new baby can bring I see that parents would do anything for their child. Would I be able to put my needs aside to help? Is it wrong to think that I’d be a horrible mother? Is it wrong to think that I’d rather be sipping tea and reading?
The screaming won’t stop would I be able to stand there and take it? Would I leave and never come back? Would I want to stick around for the hard part?
I can see another life…a life where it’s just the three of us? Yes, my dog counts! We live in a motor home away from the city with nothing but a few clothes that we wear in circles.
A life where we see a train and take it to another country, where we experience new food and walk till our feet hurt.
A life where we can buy a tiny home and live there long term and not have to worry about the cost of living. Where we don’t have to worry if our children need to eat.
A life where I can continue sleeping in on Saturday's, take the afternoon shower, have a bath because I feel like it.
A life where I don’t need to cheer him on in a soccer game or a hockey game, where I don’t need to spend money on his equipment. A life where I don’t need to drive her to dance rehearsals and watch her grow too quickly from every dance outfit.
A life where I am waking up to a screaming child because of a bad nightmare or a diaper change.
A life worrying about how to pay for their birthday present or teaching them how to say please and thank you.
A life worrying that he gets bullied at school for wearing the wrong shoes or where she gets teased about her new glasses.
A life I can see myself having is one where I can go shopping and buy things I don’t need or only to donate them later.
A life where I can own nice things and not have to worry about cleaning up vomit stain from the couch or marker drawings on the wall.
A life where I am perfectly happy going on vacation every year with my husband and not having to worry about what the children will do.
A life where we can retire early and live in a few countries in a span of year with our dog right beside us.
This is a childless life and right now I am in love with every minute of it.
About the Creator
Ada Zuba
Hi everyone! here to write and when I’m not writing, I’m either looking for Wi-Fi or avoiding real-world responsibilities. Follow along for a mix of sarcasm, random observations, and whatever nonsense comes to mind. "We're all mad here"
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Comments (4)
This just encourages me to 'not feel guilty' for having a life without children, thankyou for putting into words how I often feel. Congratulations on Top Story
I like this piece, I have the opposite view and desire a life with children. I think this piece emphasizes that it's a personal choice whether or not you take the family route, what's important is enjoying whatever life you choose. It reminds me of a quote, "you're going to regret your decision either way, so choose the one you can live with"
Please read my stories
This piece is a heartfelt meditation on choice and self-awareness. Your attention to small details, like Saturday mornings and bath times, makes the joy of autonomy tangible and resonant.