Change

I was a child of God

Pure and innocent

I didn’t know what to expect

I didn’t know what life

Was going to throw at me.

I remember the days

When I wanted to end it all…

Not wanting to go through any more pain

Not wanting to put

Anyone else through any more pain.

I still struggle with thinking that way today.

I felt like I wasn’t good enough

I felt stupid, ignorant, weak, lewd,

dishonest, a disappointment

I’ve been told what my birth parents were like

I’ve been told me and my brother

Were cut from the same cloth

I’ve heard genetics

Play a big role in someone’s characteristics.

I saw my blood

Through my own desire

I see my scars every day

They've slightly healed,

But the pain is still here.

Going through life,

I worried, I wasn’t loved

I worried, my family would give up on me

I thought I would end up in foster care again.

However, I saw that I could change,

And that I needed to change

I needed to show,

Mainly my mom,

That I love her,

Even though things are rough at home.

Through prayers, family and friends,

I realized that I was good enough

I am smart enough, honest, and strong enough.

In order for me to change

I need to become more disciplined

My family wants me to be the greatest

And I know I can be

Great in whatever I do.

I just need to be told

What I’m doing right,

More often

Not what I’m doing wrong

I already know I’m wrong.

I just don’t want

To be blamed for everything,

I don’t want to be a mistake to anyone

I don’t want to feel like

I’ve failed everyone.

Every day,

And every night

I dream and pray

That I will be,

I want to be

Before, I felt as though,

My world was about to explode

Into a million of pieces

Never to be found again

Lost in space.

I dream,

Pray,

Hope,

Wish,

Believe,

Think,

Know,

I will change.