Calling All Residents

Be on the lookout for flying produce

They were last seen at Rave’s Grocery Extravaganza

But there have also been numerous reports at other locations

Larry’s Lettuce And More where the greens soar

The poor owner was attacked by a head of lettuce

Catapulted into the air by a terrifying group of enraged radishes

Frank’s Fine Fruits has also caused customers to flee for the exit

One customer complained of a watermelon exploding in her face

Another customer was even chased by a squash

He ran like the dickens through the strawberry isle

Thankfully, he made it home safely

It seems that once out of the store

The mad produce stop pursuing their victims

We are asking everyone to only leave it’s an emergency

Travel in packs

Remember, there is safety in numbers

People are in utter panic over these troublesome events

More news at 10:00