Break Me

Thank you for trying to break me.

Stringing me along to make you smile,

to have my hands caress your head,

to take your pain on me,

long silences,

leaving me out in the rain,

to keep me waiting,

running away every fortnight,

as the moon slowly disappears.

Leaving me behind to pick up the pieces,

of a heart glued back together one too many times.

I held on for the memories we shared,

under the slanted wooden roof,

the momentarily magic we created.

We were pretending to play house,

An illusion that it was all permanent,

but you shattered that illusion,

as you went back in hiding.

You didn’t want to play house just yet.

I let go to make new memories without you,

Learning to care about myself first,

For I have never put myself first.

Trying to reel me back in,

You said it'll be different then last time,

my heart knew all too well,

it was short-lived.

as I found myself on the floor,

as I cried my heart out,

waiting for you yet again,

staring at my phone that never rings.

Yet you say I love you,

I can hear the empty echo through those words.

You blamed my trust issues,

for questioning your loyalty.

or be curious about your late-night secrets,

that's why we barely spoke at the end.

I couldn't be as addicting as your poison,

Intoxicate you enough to put me first.

At last,

you answered why you'd break my heart,

a heart that cares a little too much.

I always held back tears to treat you well.

You said you can't return my love,

for I'm not enticing enough,

not worthy of a future,

you won't give me a ring,

for my skin isn't white,

my hair is black,

My doe eyes are dark,

my eyes aren’t blue,

My words are exotic,

Not worthy of a white picket fence.

It doesn't matter if my soul is pure.

or if my smile shines bright as the sun,

the color I was born with,

doesn’t match with your desire,

for that, I am unworthy of your love.

From self doubt to denial to anger,

I went through all these stages,

It still makes me grind my teeth,

question memories of reality or fantasy.

I know now what tragic love is,

it's our love story.

I know now who not to love,

smiling promises can be deceiving.

My brown skin is now thicker,

I embrace my golden strength

Refusing to let you break me.

Thank you for trying to break me.