Bleak

There are moments in this life where we might feel lost, everything is pitch black. There's a hint of light, sure, but it isn't enough sometimes to be comforting. It's worse when you don't know why it turned dark. Why there was warmth and then it was freezing. We think we have it, we think things will get easier, but suddenly it all starts to blend together...things feel different. We try to hold on, hold onto the things we were hoping will move us forward because it once promised us that. But then it's crumbling in our grip, we look as it all just falls, almost like a domino effect...and with it goes our joy. The smiles drop faster, it hurts to keep them longer. Music doesn't feel like it understands us anymore, our hobbies feel more like a chore. But we try to keep looking at that faint bright light where we came from, try to keep our eyes there to make sure we don't take notice of the darkness that frames it. We're not ready to accept defeat...not yet...we don't want to be tempted. But then we can't do it anymore, the time has come. We can't hold our eyes on that once warm light, it's too much, so turn to look at the borders that frame such a light..and there's nothing. The bleakness is oddly bright...it hurts more than the light did because we've been here before and we know what awaits us; it's like getting on that ride that scares us every time. Are we masochists? We're back in that cold space, our eyes seeking to find a point where our eyes can ground themselves, but there's nothing, only a faint sting, and heaviness to them. This hurts more than the bright light did, but that light too will harm us, we can't take it for too long before wanting to retreat to darkness, almost longing for it when we are on the light for too long. We wonder what triggered this event, but we know there is no tracing it back. We don't have the energy to even look for the hints, really. We just tell ourselves that good things fall apart; accept it. Not like it brings us any peace though. Nothing does. There's no peace when that void takes over us, swallow us. At one point even the bright light will be swallowed too. Will it be too late then? We barely made it out again, we were barely able to find that light before. Will it be there again? Will it hurt again?

Whoever said that the light will protect us and make us feel safe lied. Because we're back here, wondering where we went wrong. Were we ever going to bathe in that warmth safely? It was all a lie. A bad one too. We're not amused.

We were supposed to be ok. We were supposed to finally be happy. We had found the will...so who took it from us? Why?

We were lied to.

It doesn't make sense. Life doesn't make sense.

I doubt it ever will.