Believe

“Believe”

Tired of feeling Empty

And invisibly hollow

Search for depth can lead

To slipping and being swallowed

The feelings of wanting to hide

As I try to face another day

Try to remember when I wasn’t a mess

how did I loose my way

Trying to shake this state

Of welcome for the gallows

Even if I light a candle

I continue casting shadows

**I turn to my reflection

Unfamiliar to what I see

Covered with a deception

The system has made me believe

No thing seems to let me be

In a state with no anxiety

No thing brings me peace (of mind)

Not even as I succumb to sleep

Ive tried different mixtures

Of concocted up narcotics

Still then my dreams are viscous

Vividly untamed & chaotic

Sometimes it’s best for me

To roll a cigarillo of something exotic

I (still) find myself silently suffering

Because I’m ashamed of being neurotic

**What you see as my disposition

Is not always not as seems

I harbor all the afflictions

That the system preemptively breeds

I get depressed at decisions

I did or didn’t make in the past

All the good things that I’ve had

Seemingly couldn’t make last

I wasn’t always this easily

Knocked back down to my knees

I wasn’t always fighting this stigma

Of a (unknowingly) chosen disease

I used to have a better vision

Of the future that I wanted

But dreams shattered and broken

Push me to be a bit daunted

**All in all I’m not in a position

Where I truly want to be

But believe I will beat the system

Before The system beats me

Believe

8-15-2020