Ban on Buying Books

Buying new books is strictly off-limits.

They're a breeding ground for germs, you see.

Their covers reek of ink and varnish

making it hard to breathe.

Don't even think about keeping them in your bedroom.

They'll mess with your sleep, and during the day

they'll distract you from your meals.

Be wary of biographies in particular.

They'll likely instil bad habits, like

drinking endless cups of tea

or how to inject crack while sitting in a slug-infested house -

only musicians can get away with that in clubs.

They're free to drown their sorrows in alcohol.

Making music and smoking weed -

it isn't just fun and games; it's hard work.

Watch out for spies like Coco Chanel -

she could easily manipulate any man,

gathering information for her own benefit,

using her perfumed charm as a deceptive disguise.

Avoid J. K. Rowling -

she hides behind Robert Galbraith’s face,

betraying fantasy for crime,

a path best avoided.

Books will always let you down, making things worse.

All you want to do is read them all!

They'll mislead you

like “The Nine Gates in the Kingdom of Shadows” did,

one day opening up the whole Hell in front of you!

They'll reveal secrets you'd rather not know:

How to navigate the geisha world

How to become a hero instantly

How to fail spectacularly,

and how to DJ.

Those last two, by the way, are worlds apart.

You won't need those skills, trust me.

So, steer clear of books; avoid them as much as you can.

Someone might even burn them at the stake.

Although it's happened a few times already…

Both in stories and in real life.

History has a way of repeating itself.

Trust me, never buy them again!