At your funeral I sat alone

At your funeral I sat alone,

A solo character in your play,

In silence, true silence,

I didn’t know how to remember you,

I know I wasn’t breathing,

I remember saying just breathe,

You were atop a pew,

In a foam box,

And people in cloaks swanned about,

Holding hands and looking miserable,

Somber, gentle,

You would have hated this,

I listened to the ones you love,

Talk of how great you were,

I was torn,

I had thought that the walls were shifting,

That small beams of light,

We’re flickering through,

And you were starting to see them,

You didn’t recognise yourself,

This was uncomfortable,

Your reflection was hard to take in,

It’s like you were afraid to be alive,

When you have walked a path so long,

Of pain and suffering,

There is a comfort in the impending doom,

You would say,

I’m not worthy of happiness,

Who are you? I’d ask,

I’m nothing, a waste of air,

Not to me you aren’t,

I am,

Your kids need you,

They don’t,

The dog loves you,

I’m done for,

I’m so damaged,

You can start to heal,

I’m here for you always,

You don’t have to do this alone,

You had destroyed your body,

Poisoned yourself at every chance,

Every turn,

I’m sorry you’d say,

We all make mistakes I’d say,

Filled your veins and lungs with things,

To tapper the sword that you fell on,

Daily,

And in turn they mourned you alive,

We all did,

Trauma had captured you,

Like a lion in a cage,

Onlookers observing you,

I wonder if she likes it in there?

No escape, just pain,

Unrelenting pain,

Slowly the tiger laid down,

Relinquished hope of a quiet forest,

People stared and would shake their heads,

Such a shame,

If they had experienced a tenth of what you had,

They would crumble,

Smash into a billion pieces,

Abuse was your normal,

I’m ready to get better,

I want to get better,

I need to get better

The doctor called,

Will you come with me?

Merry Christmas,

You have cancer,

How long,

2 weeks,

We will make you comfortable,

Impossible,

You said in 2 weeks I’ll be free,

Was I a good person,

Yes you were amazing,

I walked out of the hospital,

I’ll see you in 2 weeks,

She smiled,

It was about time.