And there I was

And there I was

standing in front of who I am today with awe filled wonder

after spending the better part of my 20's

roaming to the ends of the earth

in search for the truth of every part of me.

Some more mind bending then others...

Like what I thought was self hate

was really just a resistance to feeling safe in my own beauty

my own depth

and my own unique existence.

One day I decided to swim to the bottom of my ocean

and allow myself to drown in my jealousy

The longing to breathe fresh air with ease was nearly unbearable,

how I wished to feel something other than a shortness of breath every time

I saw her

or that quickening fall when I thought about her

and how gorgeous she is

how bright she beams

or the way her radiance lights up everyone and thing around her.

It's like she stole the sun's show - even when it was creating a technicolor painting with every passing moment

she still took my breath away,

and I think it's wild and beautiful that it took me years

to realize the truth about that part of me that was jealous of her -

was really just in love with her.

And there I was,

years later now

laying here entangled in her

drowning again, but this time

I was drowning in desire and bliss

as I breathed her in

pulling her sweetness into my lungs

and tasting it on my mouth

as I felt her bottom lip kiss mine

and like the unfurling of a rose

we rolled our bodies open to each others sun

feeling the way our hearts were basking

in the warmth between them,

and if it wasn't for how electric

her skin felt against mine

I swear it was just a dream.

And I realize trying to put us into words is a fools game

But here I am

A love struck fool

– maybe.

But I’ve always thought it takes bravery to be a fool.

Because being with her felt like free falling into the unknown

where all time collapsed

and suddenly I

clicked into place.

A woman with a heart that is open to loving both.

And maybe that’s the magic of the body,

the intelligence behind desire

the way it wisely pulls us towards something

our minds can't always comprehend

but it's reason for being there is

so we can follow it towards a life that is in harmonizing balance

of being in union

with our own unique truths.

Of course the very thing

we are convinced to fear

is the very thing

that balances the whole.