An invisible creator

The loins that sprung me

You helped make me

You bore me

I abhor you

Half your DNA created my heart, my organs, my veins

My temperament, my 'fear gene'

The fact I find celery obscene!

My small stature, size of fingers and toes

Dark wavy hair, exotic frame

I mentally called for you, but you never came

Darkness of skin and smallness of lips

Childbearing hips!

You helped create the mass of cells

That clustered together over 9 months

Forming teeny tiny fingernails

And eyelashes that later fluttered

A brain that is cluttered

With a wealth of thoughts, dreams and ideas

My little ears!

My sensitivity, the colour of my eyes

Dark, dark brown

You see, my mother has greeny-grey ones

But you are the dominant one

Which is strange because you were never here

Nowhere near

When I was younger

I shed many a tear

Because I never even saw a picture

Of who you are

No name, oh the shame

Not even a Polaroid

It left a void

Deep enough to swim in

Nearly enough to drown me

Thank God I was strong

I was all along!

It's strange because you left me all these gifts

Genetic gifts from an unknown caller

A mysterious passer-by

Who dropped a package and ran

Like a deranged Milk Tray man

You are Father.

But in name only

Not in action

Not in love

Not in presence

Not in guidance

Not in deed

(Oh no, indeed)

You disappeared before I was born

You offered my mother money to get rid

Thank God she never did

Her want for me was powerful enough to defeat your lack of care

Her strength was lioness

And I confess

She is twice the man you will ever be

Because you never knew me

And she was always there

Mother bear

I got through shyness

Without you

I made friends

Without you

I went to college

Without you

I built a life

I became a wife

I had a family

You will never get anywhere near me

I found work

Whilst you always lurk

Around the corners of my consciousness

I have an impact on so many lives

A woman who always strives

To do better, be better

I wrote many a book

You were never able to take a look

I used to think

I needed you

Why didn't you want to know me

I thought this all the time

But now I know - it's your loss, not mine.

Sad heartless man

Unable to do the right thing

A coward who walked away

Forty-five years ago

But I now know

I'm all the stronger

For learning not to know you

I became my own father

I parented myself

I may have passed you in the street many times

And I, nor you, would ever know.

What a blow.