I was only a child

It shouldn't have happened

I was only a child

I may have been young

I may have been wild

You were my age

Young and wild too

But you got me to do things

You shouldn't have known to do

It made me learn fast

It made me excited

But at losing my innocence so young

I wasn't so delighted

You see, we were related

A source of infinite shame

For something that I didn't ask for

For something that had no name

I didn't know until many years later

That I was abused

And whilst I had enlightenment and support

The shame has never diffused

There is no name

No website, no charity

That deals with what I experienced

That gives me enough clarity

To make peace with the fact

That I was in fact violated

That my abuser was my age

That her innocence had long been negated

My lineage is a mess

Messed up during tender years

And nobody ever took accountability

For my lack of identity, and the tears

I hate you, my fucking family

For playing at being unknowing

For never allowing me to confide

For allowing my shame and self-hatred to keep growing

For getting defensive, or shutting down,

For making it all about 'you'

Because of the discomfort it made you feel

I was never allowed to accept what was 'true'

Of course I love you

But 'fuck you' dear family!

Because I also hate that,

You have had the LUXURY

Of pushing difficult feelings or memories down

Deep down so that you never have to deal

So that it always rested on my young shoulders

And I was the only one who ever had to feel.