Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick
Spinning rooms and floating doors
I’m not in Kansas or sleeping - no more
But how to explain - exactly what I am seeing
If I am awake and not safely dreaming
*
The holidays arrived like before, pretty quickly
We are just days away from visits with jolly saint Nicky 🎅
So how is he sitting beside me here on my bed
With visions of unicorns circling my head?
*
He says, he can’t see them - I must be confused
Sleep deprived, tipsy or have a major screw loose
Whatever it is, I think Im losing my mind
He said he will hang around - just to help me to find it
*
I had it this morning - while I was at work
I could have lost it in the car-others were driving like jerks
He’s belly laughing at me - I’m not sure what is so funny
Omg he just turned into an oversized bunny 🐰
*
How the hell did that happen? I only blinked once
Well, maybe I dozed off, boy- I feel like a dunce
I took a few ambien - just before bed
Maybe that could explain it, and this is all in my head
*
I noticed my Santa is missing from off of my lawn
And he arrived out of nowhere sometime after I yawned
But how did he manage to get in the front door - his hands attached to his side?
He said stop asking all those stupid questions, I got a sleigh - come on, let’s ride
*
All the reindeer are here and they’re not tiny at all
And rudolf, that asshole - just took a dump in the hall
I stepped into it barefooted and they all started to laugh
They sound like elves sucking helium - after a bath
*
And they needed one too - they all smelled like old farts
They shifted shapes, so we all fit into the jacuzzi heart- tub
My mom loved that ol’ tub - I thought would be in the way
Oh what the hell - lets all go get into that sleigh
*
We took off with a start, I began quickly to swoon
I felt just like ET flying in front of the moon
It was so big and so bright Santa handed out sunglasses 🕶
Then everything became slow - like winter molasses
*
We traveled all over the world, from Bangkok to Utah
When the reindeer got tired, Santa rented a U-haul
He said not to tell anyone what I had seen
Took my sunglasses off, said it’s was all just a dream 💤
*
He then snapped his fingers- and counted to three
He said, wake up now, you have to go pee
And boy, was he right- I would have peed on myself
But it’s happened before, I blamed the elf on the shelf
*
Those boys must be best buddies, he told me to tell him I’m sorry
Told me his real name wasn’t dick, it was actually, Charlie
I crawled back into bed - my bladder empty and light
Hearing yelling outside, saying, to all a goodnight 🌙
Comments (3)
Very well done!
This is good. Really well done.
Cool! Thank you - hope you continue! :)