Am I a Monster?

You asked today if I felt I was a monster.

I honestly didn't know how to answer that.

My brain relates so well to Frankenstein sometimes...

the myriad of voices, thoughts beneath my hat.

You suggested that it has been what I have been told,

heard so often that it is my own dialogue.

But I don't know if its other's words on repeat...

or merely admitting that I carry a plague.

I know that there resides a darkness within me.

A hollowness that runs so deeply, yet maybe...

that is just simply what makes us all so human.

Do I believe that I'm simply darkness? Maybe.

So many people state they believe I am good.

And the big heart on my sleeve with the blood dripping,

from the cuts it has time and time again sustained,

would scream out that I am simply far too caring.

But what do I believe I am - good, bad, or both?

Way down deep who do I see lurking within me?

Do I really know the answer that you seek?

Maybe I'm just a shell of empty mystery.

Can I please be someone not good or bad inside?

Just allowed to be someone with a heart of gold,

Maybe then the bleeding heart would be worth the pain,

Someone that tales get told of, from times of old?

Be allowed to be the monster some people seek,

be allowed to be the healer to some small wounds,

be allowed to be the fixer to some problems,

be allowed to burn feelings with musical sounds.

Maybe I don't want to be good in the long run.

Maybe I want to be a little dangerous.

Being good kept me silent and gave memories...

thoughts that I won't share as they might be contagious.

Maybe its okay if I'm allowed evilness.

Maybe this is just part of my healing journey.

Maybe I'm the monster... and I should embrace it.

Both monster and healer within my life's journey.

I don't want to be bad, but simply being good?

Hasn't led me to a place of peacefulness.

Perhaps I should embrace the colder, firmer side...

Allow the boundaries to provide happiness.