Always

One message, two message, three message, four…

How many more ‘til I’m knocking at your door

I’ve always said I got your six,

Even when the silence hurts me more than the stones and sticks

I get it, I do…

But I guess I care more about you than you do,

I couldn’t do anything before, but this time I did…

If I knew that day would be my last, maybe I would’nt have held myself back

But I soldiered through and saved my face, because it would hurt way more for you to see me that way…

You went from my daily hello to my hardest goodbye.

Then you used my pain and trauma against me, as a coping and survival mechanism

This I already knew,

I didn’t take damage from you, it was a self-inflicted wound

I figured maybe time was what you needed, I didn’t ask or pry

I gave it to you freely, believing one day you’d let me come back inside

But like an abandoned puppy, I sighed…held my head low, scurried off during the gray skies

Just another person making me an outcast,

Just someone’s trash thrown out and forgotten

Maybe one day I’ll find out whose treasure I am,

But until then, I’m being buried in sand

From routine to memories, and now let the hauntings begin…

I cling to the hope that one day I’ll be accepted back.

Turmoil over the fact that I gave you everything, expecting nothing back…

At the very least I didn’t expect to experience all of this, to become a stranger again

Maybe that’s hard to admit for you, but at least I cared, and hell I still do…

Mourning is the best way to express my pain, you should’ve just told me,

It would’ve hurt less that way.

You and I, we were the mirror of each other

We were twin flames,

That pill I swallowed, for your name’s sake

We left the lie as a lie,

But we teetered on the line.

Our memories turned to hauntings,

As you refrain to engage in a simple conversation,

I’ll engage the enemy, your name I’ll defend

I’ll struggle while I watch you grow,

Your way of coping is to survive, and that meant to push me away,

It’s fine, I’m fine…

You and I both know that's a lie…

I’ve battled this trauma, I’ll survive with time

It’s a hard admission, but I grew safe with you

Hell, it’s a different kind of love I had for you,

No words to explain it,

But, I’ll slip into the shadows I once clung to,

And I’ll live under the radar, remaining a ghost of your past,

If I’m even worth that…

And if I should even cross your mind,

My answer will be “Always, even after all this time.”