Afraid

It’s the prefect heartbreak

that makes me

not want to love you

or care for you.

How can I deflect

the effect

you’ve taken on me?

Things I thought would never take place

did.

Things I thought you would never say to me

you’ve said.

Things I thought you would never do

you’ve done.

I don’t even know

who you are anymore.

In the beginning

I was afraid.

Afraid of

what might happen

if I give you my heart.

Afraid of

what might happen

if I told you my past.

Afraid of

what you would think

if you really knew me.

Now I know

my fears were right.

Here I am now,

afraid to tell you

I’m done.

Afraid to tell you

I want more.

How could anybody feel this way?

I loved you.

Even where I was afraid to.

Now I’m stuck.

Afraid to move on

thinking

maybe

I won’t make it

without you.

Or maybe

I’m afraid

of going through this pain

again.

Maybe I’m afraid

of being hurt

again.

Maybe I’m afraid

of being lied to

again.

My soul

I gave to you.

Or maybe

you took that from me.

Would I ever

have the strength

to live again?

Or would I be stuck

on what happened

with you

and never let anyone in again?

Maybe I’m afraid

of simple rejection.

But in reality that can’t be the case

because

you’ve rejected me for years

when I gave you everything.

Maybe I’m just afraid.

Afraid of what I might do,

the limits I might take,

the charges I may face

if I ever go through

what you put me through

again.

Maybe

I’m just afraid

of the idea

of beating hurt again.

But that simple fear

keeps me from living.

I hate being afraid.