Accept Me or Don't

What do you do when you find yourself in a state of being where you become two people?

I have found myself living in such an existence. A place where there is still a glimmer of that person that I used to be before and the one that I have become from slowly being torn apart by emotion from the inside out.

The inner workings of turmoil coursing through my body like it owns me.

Everyday I fend it off like its a rabid dog, but like a bite or a scratch there is a lingering of pain, that although subtle sticks around to remind me of its presence.

I can feel the reconditioning of my mind and body. Like it had a choice. Everyday changing, morphing into something new but more used than ever and slightly incomplete. My half abandoned thoughts floating aimlessly like specs of dust, waiting for a purpose.

As the enormity of anxiety flushes through my body like an itch that cannot be scratched. I come to the realization the impact that this experience will irrevocably have on me. Yet to accept the inevitable seems traitorous, like I have decided without consultation to abandon ship.

The longing of normality nowhere to be found, just new territory that is being forced upon me to be explored.

That which is acceptance.

Without complete and utter reluctance.

Yours truly,

Grief