A road well travelled

I.

I am choking on the words

To describe how I feel

The thoughts themselves

Are violent

And fire fear

Along all my synapses

I am rewiring

Every day, to survive

This nightmare

It doesn’t end

When my eyes open

I blink away tears

And I walk

On broken glass

Hopefully a little bit further

Than those who did it

Before me

II.

It wasn’t the Devil

Who made you do it

You aren’t his advocate either

You’re just an asshole

III.

And I feel like I should be past this

I’ve driven by so many exits

But I thought I had finally gotten of this road

Am I just going in circles?

Does the road ever really end?

Surely my car should have run out of gas by now

I am lost on a poorly lit street

The sun has gone down, and the stars

Are shrouded in clouds

I am lost

Driving in circles

IV.

I am trying to feel again

But the ghosts mock me

And whisper taunts

That sink my heart

Like rocks in my shoes

As I dive into the water

I don’t think I’m drowning

But I’m certainly falling

I wonder what will catch me

At the bottom

I am trying to heal again

But I’m losing time

One step behind

Racing my mind

To the weight on my chest

Haven’t worked out where

Were going yet

But my feet keep moving

Not quite running

But I’m in a hurry

All of a sudden

I am trying to live again

Bury me in the ground

So I may climb back out

Set me on fire so I might

Dust myself off

As I rise from the ashes

And taste the sun on my skin

Like it is the first time

New again

V.

I wanted to write

A happy poem

But I ended up with this

A big fuck you

To all the things

That have tried to hurt me

And succeeded

I’m still standing

You can’t

Bring me down

I wanted to write

A happy poem

But I think this is better

A shout from rooftops

That I am okay