A piece of me (past)

There were men that I allowed to rape me

Frozen in fear, I tried to play the role of a submissive woman

In each occurrence I was afraid that if he did not get what he wanted, he would beat me, or worse, kill me

Viewed men as takers and never givers of compassion

When I looked at men I saw brokenness, battered souls, pain, and darkness

Hearts that I thought I could help heal through God

In the process I hurt myself

Silenced myself for years

Buried myself so deep into my drug addiction

I didn't remember how life was before the drugs

Could not start nor end my day without my high

Fear seemed to swallow me whole

Fear of judgment from other women who would say they didn't believe me or my story

Fear of judgment from men who believe that I "asked for it"

I just wanted to be loved the way God loves the world and the creations there of

Now I'm afraid to love and receive love from a man

Trust is gone

God help me heal and forgive

Forgive those who have trespassed against me

Forgive myself for the decisions made

Ultimately, every second of pain I remember, and anguish that I feel led me closer to God

Nothing can separate me from God nor God's love for me

God my creator, God my best friend, God my healer, God my provider, God my redeemer, God my protector, God my love, God my salvation

Thank you for your son, Jesus.