A million times

No matter how much i smile

and no matter how much i laugh and joke around

sadness is still here

no matter how much i try to ignore it or trick my mind

i still have this feeling that is hovering over me, i don't like this feeling at all

it makes me feel like a vulnerable child

with the darkness of clouds rolling in

as the rain begins to pour hard

this storm clouds follows me everywhere

the monster in my head keeps playing mind games

something keeps me weight down

keeping me off guard

i looked fear into it's eyes millions of times

letting it know i was never afraid

but yet while fear isn't my most concern

Depression has always been a friend and enemy

i looked at myself inside the mirror

and sometimes the girl staring back at me, isn't me

i hate myself as glass shatters on the sink leaving drops of blood dripping

this has happen millions of times

like a cycle being played over and over again

my breathing is heavy as tears fills my weary eyes

and as my soul leaves my body yet again!

as i watch myself i enjoy the pain i endure every day

i died more than once

but the strength in me wouldn't allow myself to do such a terrible thing

i wish everyday.