A Mask In Place

The truth is that who I am is not a disguise.

I have always been caring, nurturing, and respectful.

I have always wanted to help others and be there for people in need.

Yet, people didn’t want to see my inside; they only wanted to see my beauty.

A compliment I did not receive until I was 23; it was a surprise that my first compliment, in terms of looks, was “Wow, you’re actually pretty.”

I didn’t know how to handle the comment.

I couldn’t allow it to be real.

If this keeps going, I will no longer be seen, I thought.

I didn’t know how to comprehend or allow my mind to be still.

This compliment of beauty from women was now dilating the eyes of men who wanted to claim me.

Not for my heart but for an outer beauty

What points can they score for being with someone who is out of their league?

I didn’t grow up hearing the words that would make me superficial.

Relationships do not last long because it’s impossible to be nice and pretty.

Accusing me constantly that I am only masking

To them, it is impossible to be real.

I was told that I was smart, that I have potential.

So, what about my face changed that those compliments on my capabilities had to go away

Now 30, Hot and Sexy is a word I hear on a daily basis.

Words I try to erase because they don’t mean anything, but if they cease, then it becomes a new worry.

When was this mask placed on me, where people refuse to see the girl who was always complimented for a bright smile, being sweet, competitive, goofy, and funny

My life changed from a “Wow, you’re actually pretty” to a “You’re not what I thought you would be, you’re actually sweet”

I have never been a person that others wanted to see.

Because the masks they’re wearing kept them from being seen.