A Familiar Madness

These dormant emotions

They keep waiting silently

They are always there

Patient, for when a trigger comes

It can be anything

A fleeting memory arriving out of nowhere

A comment, a glance

Or when I say something

And no one around hears the words

And then I spiral

A familiar madness greets me

My sadness and my anger are no longer hiding

They are here, meddling with my life

I don’t want anyone to see me descend into darkness

So I quietly leave and find a safe space for myself

Where it’s just me and my ache

I cannot lie to myself, not anymore

So I hold my emotions close

I break down, but I don’t mind

I have been through this way too many times

At least no one’s around

At least my ache is solely mine

Gloominess and rage keep me company

I detest them, but there is nothing I can do

Feel the stabbing pain, let it go

Feel it all and then get back up

It’s a loop

These emotions lie in wait

And then they erupt

Gushing into my life

Wrapping themselves around me

Sometimes, I try to crack jokes

To lighten the situation

But I know that I am held captive

I know that the only way to be unchained

It is to let them defeat me and leave

So I can finally breathe

Until they reappear unexpectedly.

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