1am thoughts..

Another night passes, another day has gone. The world keeps spinning and yet my mind stays stagnate. Often stuck in the past, frozen by fear of the future. Here I sit, yet I am not here at all.. Physically present yet my mind wonders worlds away, to a time that was, a time that may be, to a time I could only imagine, being truly set free.

I'm so sorry to my son, the one I prayed for, for years on end. Ignorant to the fact that I am missing out on quality time, by being a prisoner of my own mind. The could haves, should haves and would haves, yet, here I am .. too focused on external things to see what's right in front of me. I'm sorry my son, if only you knew, how much I truly cherish you, how much I yearn to be with you, to be at my best for you, to give you the life that you deserve.

Father how do I get there? what am I doing so wrong? Distractions, distractions, yet pointless as can be. I need to snap out of it, the dreaming, the wishing, the yearning, and just realise life is right in front of me. Calling my name, nudging at my hand, begging for attention, he doesn't understand.

His love is so pure, one I've never had before. One that does not need the world, just me, that's all.

They say the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but spiritual, to break down strongholds, taking every thought captive, and submitting it to God.

How I recognise now, I've slowly but surely become a prisoner of my own mind. Taking me away, taking up all my time.

My God I pray for breakthrough, for renewing of my mind. Please help me to be more present, to truly live my whole life.

Not worrying or stressing about tomorrow, for you say everything will happen in its own time. 'Who can, by worrying, add a single day to their life?'

Holy Father I repent today for falling to my flesh, for falling to temptations, deliver me from my sin. Lord I need a breakthrough, my God I let you in. To my deepest darkest thoughts, weighing so heavily on my chest. the what-ifs, the insecurities, the constant in-distress.

Father come upon my nervous system, calm my mind at once, body frozen yet my heart races, deliver me all at once.

Father I thank you for every season, every moment spent in your presence. I cannot do anything without you Lord and I just thank you for all you have done. May you cover us in the blood of Jesus as we rest our heads tonight. Show me the way you have called for me to live Lord..

"Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God"