You Are Safe, And I love you

Do you remember the scene in Avatar when Jake Sully comes to a pivotal moment and has to choose his mountain banshee, or rather the banshee has to choose him? And when he does they become one, bonded for life. That’s sort of the experience that occurs when you rescue a furry companion from a shelter. Well, minus the part where the banshee tries to kill you to show its affection. The bond though… that’s real. Once you feel it there’s no going back.

I know, because it happened to me on October 13, 2012 when I adopted a mini-schnauzer named Shayla. She was around 2 years old, found at an abandoned pool and just had puppies. I was 21 years old, lost and desperately searching for love in all the places I was never going to find it. Albeit, I found it one place - the Animal Rescue League. It was love at first sight. Although by the looks of her, she didn’t seem to be the best option. She had survived on the streets long enough to go completely bald from the middle of her back to the tip of her tail. The hair on her front half was long and scraggly making her look like a mangy, disheveled little lion. On the surface she, frankly, looked a mess, but there was something familiar about her. The truth is somewhere deep in my psyche her appearance resonated with how I saw myself. We went for a short walk around the building, and I could feel her. I could feel her vast well of love yearning for someone to sit and drink from. I could feel my nervous system, tired and thirsty, begin to relax for a moment. She could feel me too. It was something unexplainable… something otherworldly. I knew right then she was the dog for me.

I walked back to my mom, who had come with me, and told her my decision to adopt Shayla. We paid the adoption fee and filled out the necessary paperwork. Just like that, she was mine. Before heading home to my apartment, my mom went inside the store to pick up some supplies. I waited in the parking lot with my new best friend. It was just Shayla and I as the shopping center had grown quiet in the mid-afternoon. As I stood there with Shayla on her leash, she got up on her hind legs pawing at me to pick her up. I did, and instantaneously, the bond was wholly sealed. Any lingering doubts I had about whether I chose the right dog evaporated into the air around me. Those disheveled parts of me began to feel a little less chaotic. I began to feel less alone. It was like magic.

We got back to my apartment after a long drive. Shayla was in tow behind me as we carried the new supplies inside - food, treats, her bed, toys. We unloaded and made our way to my living room to settle in. I sat down on a futon mattress that was set up like a couch on the floor against a wall. Shayla walked over to me and onto the mattress. She fell into me, belly up, fully surrendered. I heard her let out a deep sigh. It was as if she said “Ahh, finally! I am home.” I rubbed her belly, told her I loved her and said that she was safe now. She looked up at me and found my eyes through her overgrown hair. With that one look she whispered to me the same thing. She said, “I’m here now. I found you. You are safe, and I love you.”

It’s been Shayla and I against the world ever since. Where I go, she goes, even if it’s just to the bathroom. She’s traveled the country with me, lived many places and has seen more of the US than most humans have seen. In our 9 years together, she has seen me grow from a scared, hurting young woman to a brave, empowered being. She has danced with me during my times of sweet joy and laid with me while I cried through my times of deep sorrow. It’s safe to say I would not have made it through the years without her. The love she effortlessly gives is like a golden thread in my life that’s woven its way into every fiber of my existence. Her constant companionship and calming nature continues to liberate me over and over again. Her love has literally aided in healing my nervous system. Shayla’s nervous system healed too, and her hair grew back like new within the first year despite the veterinarians and groomers telling me that this would be impossible. She has become an extension of my soul. A guardian angel sent from heaven, for me. Our bond is the purest of all bonds - unconditional by definition. Our love for each other knows no bounds and grows continuously. I often wonder how it’s possible. How can I love something outside of myself this much? And yet, everyday I wake up and love her even more profoundly.