The Chronicles of the silliest Guard Dog

Knock, knock. My eyes snap open. Knock. My ears prick. Knock, knock. This must be it; the enemy. I leap from the sofa and send out an alarm call. Quiet. I run to the kitchen and grab the nearest weapon. This is what I've been training for. Knock, knock. Again? The enemy is persistent. My cry for back-up has proven futile so I try once more, louder this time. I wait, grasping my weapon firmly. I will not let the enemy win, I need to make the humans proud, if only they were here now to see how brave I am being.

The silence is deafening.

I stride in circles around the house to show the enemy who's boss, my fur on end and teeth glimmering in the sunlight. He wouldn't dare take me on, I just know it, I am the best security guard in the neighbourhood. He's picked the wrong house to mess with, I snicker.

Crash!

A flurry of white and brown cascades through the door. This is a sneak attack! I am not afraid, I spring into action. In a flash I’m at the front door grabbing all of the enemy missiles I can and disarming them. Shreds of paper fly in all directions. I bark to let him know I’m on to him. “Ha! Nice try!”, I say with a snarl.

I can see him retreating, victory! The humans are safe for another day! They will be so pleased. Evidence of my triumph is scattered all around the house for them to see, to marvel at. This is my biggest win yet I think, I’m excited for them to come back; I bet I’ll get some leftovers for this.

Defending the humans house has made tired, and very, very peckish. There’s an intriguing scent radiating from the kitchen; “Perfect!”, I yelp. As I bound towards the counter it gets stronger and stronger, until it’s overwhelming. Freshly cooked chicken! My favourite! This must be what the humans were planning on paying me for guarding the house so well! I’m sure they won’t mind if I have some a little early, they’ll definitely understand. First I have to work out how to reach it though, hmm... I jump up and down; no use, the counter is slippy and I can’t get a grip to pull myself up. Scanning the room, my mind is racing with ideas... then, BINGO! I can use a chair as a boost to jump up!

I clamber up onto the chair, the distance to the countertop is far but I think I can make it. 1... 2... 3... Go! I close my eyes and leap. I’m hurling through the air like SuperDog! I’m definitely going to make it, the chicken is all mine!

My paws crash into the counter and I skid up to the chicken. ‘One bite,’ I tell myself, ‘just one’ Tentatively, I take a small piece. It melts in the mouth, tender, juicy, amazing! ‘Maybe one more bite...’

Next thing I know the plate is completely empty! How on earth could this have happened? I only took two bites, I swear! I don’t know what to do, maybe the humans wont notice, maybe they will forgive me when they see the good work I did earlier. Paws crossed. At least I’m all full up now; perfect time for a nap. I curl up on the sofa and hazily shut my eyes…

“Oh… my… GOSH!”

The humans are here! I spring from my bed immediately to greet them, they sound so happy with my work already, I can tell.

“What have you done, Moss?!” they ask, their tone quickly changing to frustration.

Uh oh... this isn’t how it was meant to go!