She's Not Mine

When I was living in Sri Lanka last year I became a loving friend to this beautiful soul. I was told her name is Kelly and she was abandoned (as many dogs are) as a puppy by the lakes. I would pass her every night on my sunset cycle and stop to feed her treats that I bought especially. She often had wounds on her that I would send reiki energy to. I could feel the heat from her body as she would lie so quietly beside my bike as I placed my hands on her and sent her love.

It wasn't until one night that I was riding home unusually late and alone that I trully understood how special our bond was. I was never out alone after sunset in Sri Lanka. As a female, especially a white female and standing out too much, it simply wasn't safe to be. This night I had been visiting the house of a new aquantance who had promised to give me a lift home after sunset.

The mood turned sharply sour during one thread of conversation and I strongly felt that I had to leave imminently. As I got on my bike and began cycling the back roads home, I tried hard not to give energy to the mounting fears threatening my mind. I tried hard to focus on the beautiful stars above my head, glistening over the still lake ahead of me.

There were often groups of local men lurking in the shadows and drinking heavily. The regard for life in this part of poverty stricken land is low and I was too aware of the dangers that could manifest. I remember an anxiety management trick that a friend of mine once told me. He had said when fear is becoming unbearable - start to name everything in front of your eyes. For example, say, "That's my palm tree" or "That's my house".

It helped greatly for at least a mile of my journey until I passed houses with dogs inside who began to bark aggressively. The dogs in Sri Lanka were often aggressive in the daytime, but at night they were especially unstable. I recall hearing a car coming behind me and I tried to mange my heart rate, which was now alarmingly fast. And right at that moment? The chain fell off my bike.

I stopped to put it back on as I hear "Hey lady, whats your name" slurring from the car now beside me. I offer a short and simple "Hi" in response without making eye contact. There is a fine line here that is difficult to navigate as a woman. If you harm the ego of these men, they can turn quickly aggressive. If you are friendly - they are far too encouraged and latch on like blood sucking ticks. I had enough negative past experience to be seriously rattled in the interaction.

At this point I hear more loud barking - this time coming towards me. I could feel the blood drain from my face. In this split second I remeber feeling that I was about to be attacked by either the dog, the humans or both. Thankfully it was Kelly. She runs to me, growling and snarling at the car. I greet her with so much relief as it is clear she is my protector in this moment. The men in the car hesitate, speak in Singhalese and then wheel spin away.

At this point I am only about half a mile from home, but I was so rattled that I couldn't bring myself to move. More dogs were barking up the street ahead of me and my bike chain kept falling off. I stopped and closed my eyes, taking three of the deepest breaths I had taken all day. I realised that I had been carrying fear since leaving the angry German man's house, and that energy was likely to be attracting all of this further 'misfortune'.

I used a technique I learned in reiki to quickly clear this fearful energy from my body called Hatsurei Ho. It starts with the intention to clear your energy, which I laughed to myself as I set. I explained to Kelly what we were about to do. Partly because she looked so concerned for me and partly because talking out loud is another useful tool for decreasing fear.

"Breathe deeply through your nose and exhale the tension through your mouth, Kelly" I said to her just before I did so. "Then we are going to do an energy sweep! What's that you ask? Well... it's where we pull the sticky, fearful energy from our bodies with our hands. A bit like we are dusting our aura's. I'll show you" I said as I took my right hand to my left shoulder and 'swept' my hand down and away from my body. I repeated on the other side and then asked if she would like me to clear her energy too.

Of course she did. After our energy clearing we had to picture the loving reiki energy flowing from above and through our bodies. I had my doubts that Kelly was able to do this so I told her not to worry and that I would do it for both of us. She licked my hand and I smiled at her. "See, we are all good. We are safe. We are secure. And we have each other. Thank you for saving me from those men darling. You're the best dog I know".

As I felt my strength returning I asked Kelly if she wanted to come home with me. I had felt conflicted for months about this. I knew that I wasn't staying in Sri Lanka forever and I didn't want to break her heart by giving her a loving home and then abandoning her later on. But at the same time she was so lovely, and I felt she would be happy living alongside me, even if just short term.

I tried to encourage her to follow me, but she didn't want to. I realised she would have to cross the territories of other dogs to do so and she wasn't up for the challenge. I assured her that I would bring her more food tomorrow, thanked her again and I set off for home. Thankfully now my bicycle chain remained in place!

However. The terror of the night was not to be over quite yet. One of the gates at the end of the road was open, and as I approached I was directly in front of a large black snarling dog. It wouldn't stop barking and i had no way around it. I stopped, backing away quickly but it still lunged at me. I jumped off my bike to use it as a shield as it was the only thing I had for protection. I continued to back away but this dog was not being appeased. It was barking so loudly and growling so hard that it looked demonic.

The dog lunged at me once again and I let out some kind of involuntary noise. This is when Kelly came running from behind and jumped on the other (much larger) dog. The way she did this actually backed the dog into a driveway - putting herself fully between me and it. I knew this was my one chance to get past and get home - and I took it.

I had never been so thankful to be back in the safety of my garage.

The next day I brought Kelly extra food as promised. She had a cut on her head that I cleaned with natural medicine (cornflower water and nutmeg extract - excellent wound healers!) and sent loving energy to. She healed quickly. Although she would never come home with me, I always remained so very grateful to her for that night. She willingly put herself in danger and into the territory of that dog to save me. Arguably for the second time that night.

There is a belief in Buddhism that says the last animal life before a soul is incarnated as a human, is that of a dog. This is why dogs are said to serve man's best interests; for if they do so well, they are rewarded in their next life. I dont know much about the truth of this, but it is a warming thought to believe that Kelly will soon become a soul in a human form. She is the very best dog that I have ever had the joy of loving.