No Pets Allowed

  I walk through the double doors with my arms full and my nerves spiraling. No matter how many gifts I brought along I knew they'd mean nothing compared to what she really wanted. It was our second anniversary and, even though she'd asked me not to buy anything, I didn’t want to come empty handed. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the elevator button and listened to the soft ding and the strumming of the motor as it answered my call. For 3 months id been making the journey here living separated from my wife. By now I’ve learned that in the morning, as well lunch time, was the busiest time causing the elevator to be packed, and that during the dead time the elevator came as soon as I beckoned. Mostly, I knew that I would be getting on the elevator alone and leaving the same way. No number of gifts would change that. 

  The doors opened and I got on pushing the fifth-floor button without really looking. As much as I visited, I was sure I’d know the whole way with my eyes closed. The elevator hummed taking me to my destination without any delays. No stops in between, no having to talk to someone to avoid the awkward silence, and no delaying my visit. 

  I looked down at all the gifts in my hands and hoped that it was enough to appease her for a while. The elevator dinged again, and I exited. Walking past two sets of double doors I passed the check in station and smiled at the nurse in front who always wore her snoopy scrubs with bright blue crocs and the janitor who somehow always seemed to be mopping the same area whenever I visited. 

  Turning a corner, I walked past two more doors before stopping in front of room 1252. For a moment I stood there. Silently, watching as she sat in a recliner near the window looking out into the world. It had been 3 months. 3 months since she was able to walk outside without assistance. 3 months since she had felt air or rain on her soft smooth skin, and 3 months since she had seen our fur babies Palo and Sasha.

  "Bethany?" I called softly walking into the room towards her bedside table. 

 "I bought you some things" 

She turned her head towards me and smiled as I started setting her gifts down. Two framed pictures of our fur babies; A stuffed version of a Siberian Husky; a new laptop; and a brand-new photobook with all our pictures. 

  She watched as I set everything up around her bedside and when I was done, she stared for a moment longer before turning back to stare out the window. 

  "Hun, I know you wanted me to bring one of them, but the doctor can’t bend the hospital's rule. Ever since that incident with their therapy dog a few years ago they've banned any animals on this floor" 

She shook her head at my words and smiled at me again. Even though she didn't say anything I felt her disappointment. Her shoulders sunk in defeat as she turned to stare back out her window.

Sitting on her bed I stared at her as she stared out into the distance. I couldn't begin to understand the pain and heartache that she was going through. Mainly because she never complained. When they told us that she had stage 3 throat cancer she took it head on and wanted to fight it as aggressively as possible. When her hair started falling out and her sick days were becoming more frequent than the good ones she smiled through her pain and kept pushing forward. When they told us that chemo wasn't working and that they wanted us to try an experimental treatment, her smile remained. In addition to her strength and positivity we could always count on Palo and Sasha to be her constant. We would leave the doctor’s office and she would walk through our door and go straight to the couch. Immediately they'd run from whatever nonsense they were into and curl up on either side of her and remained that way for hours. Each happy and content in the others presence alone. They made up for the times that I had to be at work to cover doctors’ bills instead of home with her. For the times when she wanted space from the home nurses and care givers; to just sit in a comfortable silence without feeling obligated to repeat that she was fine. 

  For 3 months she's been without them and everyday became harder and harder to make up for the love she was missing from them. She wasn't allowed to leave, and they weren't allowed up. As her body attacked itself and she became weak and exhausted I feared that I would never see them curled up together on our couch again. 

   Dropping my head in my hands I prayed for a way to give her what she wanted without jeopardizing her health or breaking any of the hospital rules. Like a storm an idea blew in suddenly causing me to jump up excited. "Be right back" I mumbled before running out of her room. 

  I left for a few hours getting everything set up before rushing back to the hospital. This time I ran past the group waiting at the elevator and took the stairs two at a time. Running back into her room I ran to her bed and turned on her laptop that was sitting in the same spot I had left it. Walking to the window where she still sat, I placed the laptop on the windowsill and opened the program. The seconds it took to load felt like an eternity, but it was well worth her excited gasp as the camera zoomed in on our two Siberian Husky pups. Sasha was laying in front of our closed-door whining and clawing as she had been doing every day since Bethany had been gone.  Palo had flipped our dirty laundry basket over and was digging and clawing at the garments. 

  She smiled wiping a tear from her eye as she pulled the laptop closer to her. There were multiple cameras set up around the house at different angles so that she would always be able to see them no matter where they went. 

  "Palo still the troublemaker I see" she rasped out humorously. The doctor said it would be another 3 months before she was in the all clear and could talk normally but just hearing her at all caused a sense of happiness and relief to wade through me in one giant wave. 

    She laughed quietly as we watched Palo abandon his mess of laundry to go and jump on Sasha. He tugged her ear and nudged her playfully to no avail. She stood for a second, clawed at the door once again before laying back down in her original spot. The sound of her whining made the quiet hospital room seem even more heartbreaking than before.

   I felt Palo's pain as he whined and licked at her face before snuggling down next to her in defeat. The smile drifted from Bethany's face as we watched them lay in the floor next to each other missing her, it seemed, just as much as she missed them. I pull out my phone and opened my app for my last surprise. She patted my arm quickly pointing back to the laptop screen and we watched as Palo jumps up and runs back to the pile of dirty laundry. He buries his face into the clothes only to emerge slowly with a yellow and brown sun dress. Dragging it through the hall and back where Sasha is still laying, he pushes it in front of her and then lays back down. Standing, she sniffs the dress before laying on it with her tail now wagging happily. 

  Clicking a few buttons on the laptop I got rid of the multiple camera screens and made it focus on one, the living room. Going back to my phone I prayed my idea worked as I manually turned on the projector that was attached to the puppy cams, that was now synced to her laptop. Turning the sound up I smiled as she leaned forward taking deep breaths while everything unfolded. The webcam light came on the laptop just as the projector turned on showing her face on our living room wall. She turned towards me with wide eyes and I smiled unmuting the mic on the computer. 

"they can hear me?" she rasped excitedly. She was answered by excited barks that continuously got louder as the pups made their way down the hall and into our living room. Sasha was first, she came running forward dragging the dress along with her as she ran at the wall that was projecting my wife's face. Palo followed barking in excitement as he rested his front paws on the wall looking up. 

  "hi, my loves" Bethany rasped through her tears. I helped her to her bed and set it up so that she could watch them, and they could watch her as she laid down. For hours we talked and laughed like we used to before the diagnosis. She would tell me something and then look over at the screen to make sure they were still there before going back to our conversation. Palo grabbed all her garments, made a makeshift pallet for him and Sasha, and laid down near the wall just as if she were there with them in the flesh.  As visiting hours ended and she could no longer keep her eyes open; I tucked her in, plugged in the laptop charger and kissed her on the cheek. "Happy anniversary love" I smiled as she fell asleep. 

  This time as I passed the janitor mopping the same space and the nurses station filled with snoopy scrubs to get to the elevator; I didnt feel the same dread that I usually felt. Although I was still leaving alone, and we still had a long recovery; I knew that it would be through a renewed strength. I pushed the button and listened for the humming of the motor as it once again listened to my call.