Never Let Kids Hit the Dog

Most household bites start long before teeth. They start when adults normalize a toddler swinging a towel or toy at a dog and call it curiosity.

• The child learns that size grants permission.
• The dog learns that humans are noisy and unsafe.
• The house learns that rules bend when the hitter is cute.

I’ve seen results after the fact in casework: ER wristbands, a shaken family, a good dog with a mark on its record. Every one of those scenes was built in small practice rounds the adults waved off or ignored.

In fact, here is a very recent case. The investigation is still ongoing, but I’m using it as an example because two-year-olds are often in the “hitting” age. In Oklahoma City, the parents of a 2-year-old girl were arrested on second-degree murder charges after their child was found deceased, having been locked in a room with one of the family’s dogs. Court documents show the same dog had injured the child earlier in the month—her ear was partially severed—and neither animal welfare nor police were notified. As of this writing, officials have not confirmed the dog’s breed.

However, this is not about breed. It’s about behavior, predictability, and power. Dogs communicate before they bite: head turn, lip lick, stillness that looks like politeness, pinned ears, whites of the eyes showing, a low growl. Punish the growl and you remove the siren; the only alert left is contact. When people say “he bit without warning,” what they mean is “we didn’t read the language or we told him to shut up.”

Toddlers are high risk because their brains are still under construction. Impulse control is thin, empathy is just beginning, balance is wobbly, movements are jerky, voices are high. To a nervous dog, that package reads as prey-like or threat-like.

Expecting adult restraint from a two-year-old is not a plan. Adult supervision is the plan. Supervision means within arm’s reach with your phone down. If you can’t supervise, you separate. Gates, crates, pens, closed doors. A dog deserves a legal refuge and a child deserves adults who use it.

But it is not just toddlers. Parents are also responsible. This video of a child "disciplining" a dog and the dog physically responding explains more.

Allowing a child to hit an animal trains a moral reflex we cannot afford as a society. It teaches harm is fine if the target is smaller and cannot verbally protest.

That lesson does not stay in the living room. It travels to playgrounds, school buses, and later... relationships. In trauma-exposed homes, the temptation is to let a small child “be in control for once.” I understand the impulse. However, it creates a second victim and robs the first of a better script: the strong protect the dependent. Real control is calm management, not permission to hurt.

Risk is not just medical; it’s legal and financial. A bite can trigger mandatory reporting, quarantine, animal control records, homeowners’ insurance problems, civil claims, and euthanasia requests. That paper trail starts with moments people filmed for laughs. You do not want to explain to a caseworker why there’s video of your toddler chasing and striking the family dog.

What works is plain, enforceable, and boring by design.

• Use rules that a tired adult at 7 p.m. can still keep.
• No hits.
• No chasing.
• No riding.
• No hugging the dog’s neck during rough play.
• We pet with two fingers on the shoulder for two seconds, then we stop and let the dog choose more or walk away. If the dog moves off, that is a “no.” Teach kids to say, “He said no with his body.”
• Praise the behavior you want: “Good job keeping your hands to yourself,” “Thank you for stepping back when he turned his head.”
• End interactions on the first stress cue. Don’t negotiate with less-than-friendly dog behaviors or eye contact.

If harm happens, you repair without making the dog prove anything.

• Remove the child calmly.
• Narrate the boundary in simple words.
• Give both creatures a break.
• Later, practice gentle touch on a stuffed animal and label feelings and body parts.
• If you want to involve treats, you place them on the floor and let the dog approach on his terms; toddlers do not become the treat dispenser until they can follow rules without wobble.

Like people, some dogs never enjoy being around kids. That isn’t failure; that’s information.

• Respect it.
• Manage space,
• shorten visits,
• control entrances and exits, and
• build the dog a quiet life that keeps everyone safe.
• Do not outsource safety to a dog’s tolerance.
• Do not test your training with your child’s skin.

Language matters. In this house we do not “teach the dog a lesson.” We protect him from situations he cannot succeed in. We do not shame a growl. We thank it for speaking and end the contact. We do not laugh at roughness. We stop it. We do not wait for “one hard lesson” to make the rule real. The first hit is the moment for an adult to act.

If you need scripts, keep them short so you’ll use them.

• Hands down,
• feet down.
• Dog’s room is closed.
• Pet for two seconds, then stop.
• He said no.
• Our job is to listen and observe the dog's body language.
• Repeat until it lives in everyone’s mind and mouth.

Families claim they want good dogs. What they really need are good systems.

• Make it easy to do the right thing even when you’re tired.
• Protect the kid.
• Protect the dog.
• Build a home where no one has to earn safety by surviving a bite.

Disclaimer: the video link in this article is public, I don't know where it occurred. However, the Oklahoma case information comes from publicly available news reports. Because the investigation is ongoing, details may change as additional evidence is collected. The story is offered solely for educational and preventive purposes related to child–animal interaction safety.

Sources That Don’t Suck:

American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA)

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

Sophia Yin, DVM — Low Stress Handling resources

Patricia McConnell, PhD — Family dog behavior writings

Ian Dunbar, DVM, PhD — Bite inhibition and prevention

ASPCA — Dog body language and safety with children