My Best Friend

The first day I met her she was so small. When our eyes met we knew we were meant to be best friends. I took her home that day and though it took 2 days to name her, she didn’t leave my side.

At the time I was opening a day spa and she went to work with me, I worked and she slept. Shortly after I opened the day spa I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that had no cure. I went into a state of depression and that’s when I realized why FeFe came into my life when she did. I needed her for more than just a fur baby. I needed her for emotional support and to get me out of bed in the morning.

FeFe went with me everywhere. She fit in my purse and she loved to ride in the car on my lap, she would sit in the shopping cart, she never barked at anyone. She was my best friend. As I began to become immobile she would lay with me and when the pain became unbearable she knew some days were harder than others and her unconditional love for me was some days overwhelming. Overwhelming because there were days I wanted to give up but due to her love and affection for me I kept going.

The day came when my illness had became too tough for my marriage and everything was falling apart. He started drinking to cope with his emotions and I was feeling abandoned. It was time I left. I couldn’t take FeFe with me at that time. My heart was so broken. What was I going to do without my best friend? How was I going to live? I made the promise to come back for her.

Three grueling and painful months passed by until I was able to travel back to get by best friend FeFe. She really missed me. The greeting I received from her was more than I could hope for.

I was staying in a hotel and looking for a job. I didn’t know at the time this would be a more than difficult time in the future for FeFe and I. After a month in the hotel and job opportunities failing, FeFe and I became homeless. We were living in an old truck with no heat in January in Virginia. I could tell by the way FeFe looked at me she was concerned. We shared McDonalds Cheeseburgers for dinner and ate Cheerios for breakfast. The money was running low and I had nothing left to sell or pawn.

A friend read between the lines on my social media posts and sent for me. I was able to get a job and eventually get back on my feet. FeFe and I were back!

At my new job, I met a guy. After only 2 weeks he decided to stay with me overnight. When FeFe jumped in the bed he jumped out of the bed. “Hmmm, we’re a package and she’s been with me for 8 years. Take US or leave US.” Needless to say he took US.

He finally began to understand the relationship FeFe and I had.

Yes, HAD. To this very day I have nights when I wake up and I can’t breathe and I just cry! There are days when my pain is so bad and I need her.

FeFe slowed way down. She had several days where she wouldn’t eat and would throw up when she did. I made an appointment with her vet. It was a week away. That appointment never came for FeFe.

It was the worst night of my life....FeFe was laying in her bed in the living room looking at me. I called her and she didn’t move. She just layed there. I could tell something was terribly wrong. I called for my husband to get the car. We went to the emergency animal hospital.

She was with me for 12 years and she was diagnosed with cancer. The Dr said she was in so much pain and at her age she may not make it through the surgery. I had to make the hardest decision in my life. I had to let her go! How was I going to do that? How was I going to go on with my life without her? She had helped me through so much pain and brokenness throughout the years. I had to help her now. As much as it hurt me and as much as I was going to miss her, I couldn’t bear to see my best friend in so much pain.

The Dr gave her meds to help with the pain. They let me take her home for 2 days and spend time with her. She was so lethargic and high from the meds. I held her the entire time. When it came time to say goodbye she knew.

She looked at me as to say how much she loved me. As the vet laid her to rest I felt a part of me die. Even today as I write this story the tears are falling, the pain of missing FeFe is still here.

FeFe will forever be in my heart!

RIP FeFe 03/15/2006-12/11/2018