Mah Dawg and her subordinate master

August 27th, 2020

PHoebe arrived very early at the airport this morning. I myself have never taken a plane and supposing I never do; my 4 month old puppy; a mass of wrinkles; and 'woe is me' glances of uncertainty and shivered nestles of fear and desperate snuggles; is thus far more worldly than I am already. Something about this scenario already seems unfair. It's 2a.m. and my first own!!! puppy for which I will raise, foster and care for in my own!!! space with my!!!! rules and for which none other than myself!!! will be responsible, is coming home with me after a much anticipated flight.

August 28th 2020

Phoebe came to work with me today and was absolutely adored by every child there. Snuggles, naps, cuddles, cooing, sighing, laughing, sharing, and a resounding "my turn" could be heard all day long. Phoebe is a hit! I'm so proud to give the kids their own puppy, especially since not one of the kids have a pet of their own. She will come to work with me everyday. My new best friend. I'm so in love. We will take her everywhere. We, the kids and I, even made up a jingle about her that we sing to her as a group. "She's our biggy small; she's the biggest small of them all!" A neighbor must have heard me singing it, because once I heard him pass by telling his daughter "that's a little big dog!"

December 29 2020

Today was not so good. I arrived home today to see a shiny red package peaking out of Phoebe's mouth. It appeared to be the last wrapper she spit out after consuming 36 individually wrapped chocolates while delicately spitting the wrap on the floor; one at a time. I administered peroxide and we had a happy ending. I'm a bit squeamish and it was somewhat unpleasant for a minute while sparing the details.

February 18th 2021

Phoebe has spent every day at daycare for the first half of her life but will presently have to leave. She punctured the tiniest hole over the daycare bully's eye. He was rough housing with her, and it was an accident. There must have been a lot of veins where her claw punched in. I was relieved and fortunate that she narrowly missed his eye. The boys' parents are uptight city folk that work for the government in uncomfortable clothing. I breathed in deeply with a growing heaviness in my chest as I prepared to explain what had happened while gazing at the aftermath. There was blood everywhere and doubly pronounced by the bright white fresh snow it seeped into it. Phoebe will be sadly missed by the children. This will be her last day at the afterschool center. The parents were more understanding than I had expected, but not ecstatic about it either.

April 19th 2021

Pheebs eats mud and dirt incessantly. I'm unsure what to do about this. She possibly consumes her weight in mud. Google says she has pica and it's not out of the ordinary. I'm not sure google understands just how much of it she consumes. She actually eats just about everything in sight. I purchase toys and chewy things but she prefers the items that I use most regularly; like my new glasses, my headphones, my facial oils, my shoes; especially the ones I wear frequently. I'm overwhelmed at trying to shelve everything in sight. I'm at a financial guestimated loss of about 500$ in destroyed and chewed personal items.

May 29 2021

I decided to give Phoebe a room to herself. My new couch smells of her now anyways so she can have that as well. Upon returning home after her first day in her new room; the entire couch had been torn to shreds. I'm on a tight budget and saved for that couch and I'll have to hit the thrift stores for a replacement. I love thrift shopping and 'new' is a waste of money anyways. Phoebe just proved that. Lesson learned?

June 16th 2021

Summer has come and it's time to spend some time outside next to the walking park where Phoebe is tied for the neighborhood children to enjoy. They just love her! Everyone does! Phoebe is half English Bulldog, and half Mastiff American Bull and Pitbull Terrier mix. She is a tiny tank of power, brawn and beast with dovish eyes and an ever lovesick gentleness and willingness to please. She tore her harness while lunging and jumping and playing with the kids and a neighbor returned her not long after she'd been tied.

June 27th 2021

Phoebe got a new harness today. By the end of the morning, she snapped this one as well as 3 others. I have upgraded the strength and quality time and again; and again the neighbor returned her as I sheepishly accepted her with their growing glances of disgust. It was cute the first 3 times. They loved how she is so friendly and just seems to want to go home with anybody. It's not cute any longer and I appear to be a fairly bad pet owner. I try to play up my princess face and dimples to appear innocent but I suspect it's actually working against me and that they think I'm even dumber because of it; also proving that pretty doesn't mean smart. Without a single shred of doubt, I'm certain that they hate my guts. I try a lot harder than they think I do. I feel a bit defeated.

July 3rd 2021

I upgraded to a thick chain and doubled Phoebe's harness up with a leash that I have reinforced myself. This time I'm totally confident that she will not be able to escape. I check on her regularly and sorta smile at myself for coming up with this genius harnessing solution. I'm confident that a horse wouldn't be able to assail this one. I return to my steeped tea before heading out to do some yard work. A knock on the door and the "animal groomer neighbor", who ALWAYS seems to be here when she escapes, caught her running as free as a bird down the middle of the road. She had pulled; not tore; not severed; not twisted; PULLED the branch straight off of the tree without even a splinter jutting out. NOT ONE. The branch was a good 5 or six inches in diameter and it's new, strong and supple wood was pulled away so cleanly as to appear that it'd been cut like butter with a knife. I examined the tree in total disbelief, with what seemed to me to be physically impossible. hhhhh. "Do you want her to get killed?" the "perfect pet owner and animal groomer neighbor" asked. My inside voice tells me to bite my tongue at this point; where sarcasm may be inappropriate at this time. I have no leeway for jokes right now. I just take Phoebe inside with a heave and a sigh as the neighbor stormed away in a pronounced huff. A battle of the breaths and she wins as I sigh weakly in total and utter defeat.

July 25th 2021

Phoebe has been upgraded in and outside of the house to an extra large crate. She cannot escape now!!! I have rearranged my entire house to accommodate her with her own bench covered in blankets and pillows where she sleeps with her kitty. I rescued a Himalayan from the SPCA and they are over the moon with each other. I don't see one without the other. They're totally in love. My house is under a 1000 square feet and houses three humans, 3 cats and Phoebe. A tooth pick out of place takes up space in this house. The basement is dingy and cold so I make the best of it and It's cozy here to say the least. Phoebe smells like old cheese and the vet recommends only one bath per month maximum with her sensitive skin type. She smells like old cheese on day 3 of having just had her bath. I had my nanny's antique bed with an old mattress from the 60s still in it because the size was no longer available. It was so squeaky and Phoebe kept crawling in it and making my whole life smell like old cheese. I upgraded to a bed that is 3.5 feet off the ground. She's unable to access it. It was not in the budget but I chose the lesser of two evils. I have a new mattress too. It's lovely and comfortable and soft. Pinch me!!

August 3rd 2021

Phoebe has a training problem. The problem with training is the manner in which she is training me. She is remarkably beautiful, gentle with children and her temper is wonderful. She is affectionate, rarely barks and makes herself as inconspicuous as possible. She always lets me know when she has to go outside for a bathroom break by simply walking by me. If I don't notice her totally inconspicuous manner of telling me it's outdoor break time, she simply pees in front of the toilet instead. She has a few other hot spots as well. I'm a germaphobe so there's extra bleach in the closet at all times. My floors have never been so clean. I've taken all of the online training modules for dogs and did everything as instructed. I watched the follow up videos and tried some other techniques. Somehow this isn't working, and understandably the spot in front of the toilet is logical and she's not wrong. My bleach bill is starting to take on double digits and it's only 99cents.

September 24th 2021

Pheebs had a bad seizure. I'm on a tight budget and tried online tutorials before taking her to emergency. 1000$ later and all my savings for summer vacation is gone. The vet clinic put her on ice. That's it. That was yesterday. Today at home she had a small seizure from the heat again. I placed her in a cool bath and she stopped immediately. She apparently can't take the heat. What an appalling mark up on cold water. I'll try and pick up some extra shifts.

November 15th 2021

Phoebe's first trip to the local dog park. I open the gate and there's quite a lot of ice everywhere. Her incredible speed and strength is quite unexpected at her size and the entire crowd of persons present laughed whole heartedly as she bolted through the gates at full speed ahead. She knocked over three dogs, three times her size, like dominos in a row; hopped over two dogs like a horse clearing poles with perfect finesse, and then slid about 8 feet on the sheer ice and slammed into the fence behind. This all took place at once.

January 3rd 2022

I have my first date with a gentleman in years. I arrived to find that he had plowed snow into a perfect circle, much like an igloo; with a built in bench all the way around and a lit fire at the center. The bench was large enough to lie down on comfortably, and we shared intimate conversation while gazing into the flames; shyly and slyly at one another. I'm almost taken aback at just how adoring and genuine this man is. He loves his children. He's just....perfect. I'm certain that he likes me! Phoebe asked to go in and out of the house because it's quite cold and so I check on her frequently. No accidents. No chewing. Nothing embarrassing. What a relief. A storm is picking up and I'll be forced to stay the evening. The other rooms were closed off from the woodfire and are too cold to sleep in. We are adults and I decide it's ok to crawl in with him as to sleep. I crawl in and feel wet spots....Several wet spots...What the? what is this? I look to my right and notice my gym bag had been pulled from the bed stand and Phoebe had chewed the top off of a 200 ml bottle of Jojoba oil that I had paid dearly for and proceeded to pee in five separate spots on this nice man's bed. She has never, ever peed on a bed, a couch or anything cushioned before and I was totally confused as to why this had just happened. I left in the morning with my 'tail between my legs', so to speak, and didn't bother to make an effort to call this man back. I googled Phoebe's strange behavior online. Apparently she was marking her territory and letting him know that I belong to her. It worked.

January 18th 2022

PHoebe is 2.5 years old now. The weather is crisp and bright during the daytime hours and the cross country ski trail is groomed and prime. Phoebe accompanies me with her lead attached at my waist. Today Phoebe spotted a squirrel. I have taken to calling other animals "friends" as this seems to calm her interest in them, however at this time, she hadn't been out of the house for a good trek in awhile due to extremely cold temperatures. Pheebs is absolutely dedicated to meeting this new "friend" and she decided to pursue the squirrel. I am pulled about 30 feet down an easy going slope and was sorta enjoying the gentle glide. I began to lose control and slid down to the side and into a ravine where I'd completely lost control. Anyone nearby may have heard a voice calling Phoebe's name, firstly as a gentle pleading; then as a panicked and angry outburst and then as a desperate cry for her to stop. The side of my head and shoulder had plunged into the icy river, as I toppled over, before she decided to give up chase. She's completely unbothered. I myself try to self soothe by reminding myself that a cold facial in frigid temperatures is not so bad after all, however the return home was painful at best.

January 26th 2022.

Upon reviewing my diary entries; I'd be surprised if anyone believed the full extent of Phoebe's antics. I assert, finally, that all of the events portrayed in these depictions are true and actual experiences. Phoebe is not for the faint of heart and only those with unconditional love could harness her power.