How Cat People Discouraged me From Getting a Cat

“I had a cat once who would wake me up every morning just a minute or two before my alarm went off by tapping me on the mouth with his paw. Not that hard, but not that gentle either, with his claws extended just a tiny bit. ‘Hey, time for breakfast, bud.’ ” — Josh Fruhlinger as quoted in The Guardian

There was a time when I might have become a cat owner. When I was little, I always tried to adopt the feral cats that would show up from time to time in our barn. It never worked out, but I knew that’s because they were born free and wanted to stay that way.

As I grew older, a number of my friends introduced me to their domesticated cats. That’s when my attitude began to change, right about when I encountered my first litter box. It was during a sleepover at my friend’s house, and I tripped over it on my way to use the toilet. You don’t need the details.

I think litterboxes are a huge drawback to owning a cat. A litterbox can be ignored, right up to the point when it refuses to be. By then, it’s a total horror show. You also have to buy litter to put in the box, which is an added expense. Of course, it does come in handy when some kid throws up at a birthday party.

“One day, I opened a bottle of beer and the cap accidentally flew right into my cat. In the morning, I found my shoes full of pee, and that same bottle cap was lying next to them.” — as quoted on Bright Side

Cat people love to tell funny stories about their cats. Unfortunately, a lot of these stories are also disturbing, disgusting, or downright weird. I hadn’t realized that hairballs and revenge peeing and pooping were not uncommon. I don’t want anyone to gift me a dead rodent on the breakfast table or anywhere else, for that matter.

“My cat will only eat if I’m rubbing her hips.’ — as quoted on I Iz Cat

Another off-putting thing about cats is that they have a superior attitude. When dogs misbehave, you can make them feel guilty. Cats don’t do guilt. Cats are entitled. Whatever they do, they expect you to suck it up. Scold all you like; it just bores them. Nobody does disdain like a cat.

There’s a saying that dogs have owners and cats have staff. I suppose it makes sense that cats believe themselves to be in charge. A cat never had to hold down a job. We don’t have guard cats, or drug-sniffing cats, or hunting cats. Okay, sure. They do pest control, but the fact that their killing of vermin benefits humanity is just a coincidence. They’d do it for food or fun anyway.

“Female cats like to ‘flash’ their private parts and wiggle their bums at their owners. This is just one way that cats show that they care for their owners and is a strong sign of affection.” — Veterinarian Clare Hamilton as quoted on Insider

Recently, I’ve had to adjust my negative attitude about cats because my only child acquired one. If I want to see him, I also have to see his cat. The first time I visited after Nixie Pepper came to live with him, I was nervous. He was living in a studio apartment, so I had to sleep on the couch. Hiding from the cat in the bedroom was not an option because there wasn’t one.

The first couple of nights, I made it clear to Nixie that I was not interested in being her friend. I’m not proud to admit that I did this by displaying my “fangs” and hissing at her. She wisely kept her distance.

Luckily, Nixie is a very mellow cat. Before long, she more or less won me over. I guess cats are not so different from people. You can never learn to like them unless you’re willing to give them a chance. I’m not saying I’ll be getting a cat of my own anytime soon. My experience with Nixie hasn’t wholly cured me of my cat phobic tendencies. Let’s say I’m in recovery and leave it at that.