Home Alone; A Tale Of a Self-Proclaimed Karen/Spy dog

Hello human imbeciles, I am Esther the Brussels Griffon. I am writing to your species to show you a day in a dog’s life at home alone, the crap you don’t see while you’re away. You see, while you humans are away doing whatever you do. I am at home living my best teenage girl life.

Starting from the beginning of the day, I awake from the depths of the bed sheets with a grumpy morning snarl on my face but as soon as I get my morning grub I am up and ready to bark at any anything that moves outside of the window all day long! This is just one of my many coping mechanisms that help me deal with my anti-social/corentine anxiety. I also like to annoy my brothers by constantly bothering them for attention then I move onto my new cat brothers Gustav the Russian spy who could give a damn and Magnus the current mama’s boy who is too cute to say no to. I can’t seem to get any attention from these men. It’s rough being the only girl pet in the house.

I have decided to run for president (the honorary self-proclaimed Karen) of this household. I hold up the fort whenever our humans aren’t home. Even though I may seem cute on the outside I am a ferocious Griffon on the inside. I oversee everything that goes on inside and outside and will bark at any chance I get. I have learned to deal with my siblings, but man do they get on my nerves. Gustav walks around like he owns the place and seems to be planning some sort of demise. Magnus just pisses me off. Cleveland just wants food 24/7 and Lionel is an old fart who keeps snapping at me when I try to give him attention. I have learned how to reel them in and get them to respect me for the young tenacious and grounded young lady dog I am. Without me this house would be a wreck!

As well as my President/ Karen role I play I also sometimes like to take on the role of a neighborhood spy named Agent Stew. After my owner leaves the house, I put on my spy costume and scout out the perimeters for any suspicious movement. Sometimes I will come across some landmines from Cleveland and leftover hangover snacks (that’s just an average day) from my human but that won’t stop me from sleuthing! My ultimate goal is to find any evidence that will allow me to rat out any of my siblings and make me the favorite pet. I try my hardest to make up for my constant barking by proving I am the best! I even go as far as grabbing poo from the cat’s litter box and placing it in my owners’ shoes. In a perfect world I would be the only pet, but I have learned to love my siblings even though they are a pain in the butt sometimes.

As the neighborhood watch dog I like to seem like I’m protecting everyone in the area but I am small and don’t want to bite off more than I can chew so I get my trusted liaison Cleveland to help out but he doesn’t help for that long when he finds something better to do (Sleep or eat). The Amazon Prime mailman is my least favorite. He ONLY comes to the door to drop off gifts for my human (smh) but sometimes drops off food for me which Cleveland later steals from me.

When my Human comes home, I act as calm, cool and collected as I can be but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop being the annoying Brussels Griffon that I am. Agent Stew out.