Harvey

I can remember it like it was yesterday. If I close my eyes I can even still feel the cool late October air and hear the light rustling of leaves. I was sitting in the driveway of an old friends house, bundled up in my jacket but shivering because I was wearing shorts and trying to keep my legs warm as I sat legs crossed, deep in conversation with my childhood friend. I know that you were cold too, but I prefer to remember the story as this, you saw me shivering and so you crawled up into my lap to keep me warm. This small beat up ball of fur with gigantic green eyes and a purr box that sounded like a motor boat. I had no idea in that moment all that was to be in store for us. The joy, laughter and tears. They have all been worth it though. Every single step of the way.

We were about 2 and a half hours away from home and the only thing I had to safely transport you in was a tiny rabbit trap my friend's neighbor had given me. I was scared and unsure what I was doing, but I knew you needed me and to be fully honest I really needed you. You were so quiet and observant on the ride home. You only meowed when spoken to. You took a few naps here and there and spent the rest of the time examining me. You were so small. I couldn't wait to take you home and introduce you to your new brothers, Harvey, the turtle and Nutmeg, my overly spoiled gigantic Maine Coon cat who had been my one and only, object of all my affection since I was 7 years old. He had moved out with me to my first apartment in college and ruled that entire apartment. He only tolerated Harvey the turtle because he had dreams of eating him. He did not take as fondly to you. In fact, he outright hated you. Hated you until the day he died. You on the other hand loved him and spent your first 5 years of life trying to make him love you back.

I had to think of a name for you, but nothing was fitting. After no less than a dozen names I had settled on Willard. Although, it never truly fit. Your markings made you look as though you had the cutest striped tuxedo on and Willard just sounded like the name of someone who wore tuxedos and got paid to answer doors for rich people. But as time went on, I realized, Willard sounded more like a little old mans name and for some reason Harvey seemed to fit you. So, Harvey the turtle and Willard the cat switched names. You were so mischievous, you nearly died 100 times for the situations you got yourself into. One time you nearly hung yourself on the window blinds drawstring (they all got cut off that day). I still do not know how I made it across the room fast enough to catch you as you began to fall or how you got that drawstring wrapped so tightly around your neck. There was the time I thought I could lock you out of my bedroom to quietly work on homework, only to find that you managed to fit you head underneath the door. After thinking through all of the ways to safely get you out from under the door (no lie, including considering calling 911 to break the door down if need be), you nonchalantly showed me how you could pull the rest of your body through without any problem. Crawling under doors became your new thing and any guest that came over just needed to accept that if they went to the bathroom you would come visit them. There was no privacy with you around. There was the time you almost fell to your death off the apartment balcony when the squirrel you were eyeing turned and looked at you. I quickly slid the slider doors open and you ran backwards into the house faster than I had ever seen an animal move going forward. It took an hour to coax you out from under the bed and it was weeks before you even went near the slider. The crazy amount of times I had to force you out of the pool because you were the only cat in the world that was obsessed with swimming and would sneak in every chance you got.(and all of the bubble baths you hijacked). The countless times you took off on me while I was carrying in groceries and I searched the neighborhood for hours and days, missing classes and work just trying to find you. You always came home, once you felt like it. I was able to save you every time and now, the vet tells me your kidneys are failing and we may not have much time left. Sixteen years together. My best friend, my everything. You were with me through my first big breakup, through the death of my first baby Nutmeg, through job losses, the death of my father and my grandfather, you were with me when I was homeless and could barely feed myself living in my car. I always found a way to keep you fed and safe. In times where taking my own life seemed like the only thing that made sense, it was you who made me stay, it was you who made me feel like I was worthy.

When I first took you home, you wouldn't eat for me. I fought so hard to get you to eat but you just stared at me. The vet explained to me it was because you were too young and still needing to nurse in between feedings. I got you a bottle and formula and nursed you until you learned to eat on your own. You loved the bottle so much that you were the most difficult cat to wean. Today, you won't eat for me but this time it is different. This time its not as simple of a solution to make you eat. And, while the vet says we still have a good quantity of quality time left, I know that the good days are becoming fewer and further in between. There are days you eat like a champ and days you won't even get out of bed. There are even still days you like to play and snuggle and seem like the healthiest boy in the world. I know that all of those times I got so mad at you for taking off when I opened the front door to bring the groceries in, were really bittersweet times that proved to me that you loved me enough to give up your freedom and come home to me. And I know that when you leave me this time you will wish you could stay and you will want to come back, but I know this time, when you leave you won't come home. I will miss you, and I will cherish everyday I have left and hold every memory in my heart safe guarded and locked away where no one will find the key. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ask for and the best garden buddy. Thank you for warming my lap up that October day in 2005. Thank you for the last 16 years of happiness, I hope we have a few more good years left, but know that if you need to go, I won't make you stay.