A Life Unleashed

It is quite a challenge in itself to pick and narrate a single experience that my dog and I have made together. The first time we met was a silhouette of a puppy with the sun shining on his back that came trotting into our construction garage, with ears flopping and big paws flopping. Someone had abandoned him...at least that is what I believed before learning about all of the planting that goes on in our lives.. He looked like a shiny coated black Labrador, but also had a curled tail and spotted tongue like a chow.

It didn't need to be said, but someone did say, "Anybody want a puppy?" When he looked up at me with those brown eyes, panting with his tongue hanging out to the side of his mouth, I felt a squirm in my gut and literally felt like someone gently squeezed my heart. That was all it took and for the first time as an adult, I was a daddy. I was in a relationship and living with someone and although it was her house that I moved into, I didn't even ask. She didn't have any children either, so we were now parents. It didn't take long for the dysfunction to set in and most of the time, he was along for the ride in the truck no matter where we went.

For the most awesome memory we had together in this lifetime, it requires fast forwarding nine years to the summer of 2011. Mom still got to see him on occasion, but it was just he and I now. We were over at my brother's hanging out one night on the covered porch, and it was just the two of us at the time. I was just standing there stoned in the dark, and he was posted on the steps for security detail. My brother's wife came out and I didn't notice what she was doing. It wasn't long until we heard a big yelp. She had started to walk outside and accidently stepped on him. He was big, over 100 pounds. A few minutes later he walked out to the truck in front of the porch and started barking somewhat viciously while he was hopping and jumping around a bit. He was acting pissed, and ready to leave, so we did.

The next day it was really nice outside. Sunny and warm. I opened up the front door to let some fresh air into the house while I did some chores. I hadn't seen him in a while and went looking around for him outside, but didn't find him anywhere. He was spoiled rotten and had never ran away, so that was never a concern.

Eventually I came walking up toward the back of my truck and saw him laying underneath it in the shade. It was odd, he had never gotten under the truck to lay down like that before. For one thing, it was a gravel driveway, and he didn't normally lay on it for a nap. He didn't come out from underneath the truck when I started talking to him, so I went back inside and did some more of doing something.

It wasn't as long of a time span compared to when he went outside after I opened the door earlier, but he never showed up and I went back outside to check on him. He was still there under the truck so I was more deliberate to see what was going on. Although he was looking right at me, he was very still and unresponsive when I was talking to him.

I wondered if he was pouting, because I had been going out of town doing things to try and save the world but didn't take him with me. I decided to force him to come out from there, grabbing onto his legs, and giving a tug. He didn't flinch, and silently just looked at me. I tried the same gentle technique again, and received the same results.

I crawled down under the truck more and slid him out, trying to lift his ass while I pulled as well as I could. Again, he wasn't vocal at all and just looked at me while I was struggling to move him out. I started getting frustrated wondering if he was playing games, casually threatening him that I was going to take him to the doctor if he didn't stop it. He still had a calm and stoic face and waited for my next move.

Something major was definitely going on, I could feel it and was scared.

I went around and opened the passenger side, his side, and went back to get him. I was in decent shape, but am not a large man. He was over 100 pounds of dead weight heavy. I rolled him up to where he was sitting on his tail, picked him up in my arms, and carried him to the front seat.

Off to the animal hospital we went.

I called en route and then when we pulled up. They came out with a gurney, and wheeled him inside. I had never experienced anything like this before, and was in shock as the reality of the situation set in more as I sat in the waiting area. I started to contemplate.

Souls are souls, and embody in different forms. Some people don't understand how those without human children consider their pets are their children. He was more than just a sweet puppy and cool dog. Raider was my dude...my Roa'dog.. He was my son.

The doctor came out and confirmed this was a permanent paralysis of his rear end. He was fine otherwise. He would be able to lay there and eat when I fed him, but I would have to take him outside to perform the waste activities.

We rough housed when we played. He loved to run around and explore. As much as I wanted to keep him around, I immediately knew what needed to happen, and as soon as possible. I told the doctor what his next action would be, and he walked back to prepare for the procedure.

Raider and I hung out in the hallway, and I searched for what to say as I started to pet him gently. I was fighting the tears, and the guilt, back. My head started to hang and lowered down toward his, as grief started to come over me. But just as my head was about to reach it's lowest, he quickly picked his up and raised it high. I slowly raised mine to meet him.

LITERALLY. Absolute silence permeated the experience. There was a faint, magical ringing but it was like we stepped into another dimension. Time and everything around us just, stopped. He had the most serious face I had ever seen on him before. I could FEEL the intensity he was bringing. HE WAS the strong one. BRAVE!

At the time I didn't have much knowledge or practical experience, but I was mesmerized as he looked at me directly in the eye and telepathically told me, "This has got to happen." "It is time, and I will only be in the way."

My jaw was opened in amazement, and I accepted what was happening more. I had heard a voice of Spirit once, in 2005 while recovering at home after an accident, but this wasn't like that. I didn't actually hear the words, but he communicated a bit differently than when people know what their pet needs by an expression. I'm considering that this was the most intimate moment in our life, and why I'm sharing this story. We spent over 9 nine years together, so we had a lot of stories during this life time.

An assistant showed up almost immediately after that and took us into a room close by, a blanket was on the floor and she told me sweetly that she would give me some more time with him and left the room. I was at a loss of words and got on the floor with him and started to pet him. Words finally came to me, thanking him for everything he had done for me and showing me so much love every single day that I saw him. He laid his head down on my lap.

The nurse came back in, and we proceeded. I moved out of the way, but got in front of him and held his paw to let him know I was there. He laid his head down and waited. He knew what was coming, but still jumped subtly when the nurse pierced his skin with the needle. He looked over at me for a brief second, but then looked away and slowly laid his head back down.

He accepted the moment like a true champion of life, and closed his eyes. The nurse took out her stethoscope, and confirmed that the injection was successful. I could finally let go, and started to cry. I was so proud of him.

His life, was unleashed.

That soul taught me how to die, peacefully. Today I burned what I believe was the last physical picture I found while liquidating a couple of days ago. I'll probably keep the digital pic above with the orb for coolness sake, but sent the others to the trash bin, forever.

Thank You for reading.