Lit.

It had been quite awhile ago, but Daniel had seen Hanna's teacher twice before where he donated plasma. He sincerely focused on the idea that his plasma was going to help people, especially babies or young children, but another reality was he was going there twice a week because he couldn’t afford to pay his utility bills, gas for his truck, internet, healthy food, and yoga studio membership with what he was making full-time as a substitute teacher. Daniel didn’t turn the furnace on in the winter because being such an old house, it wasn’t insulated well and it would run constantly.

The first time he saw Hannah's teacher, Daniel thought she looked so cool and casual in a mid forearm T-Shirt, jeans, and checkered Vans. He didn’t stare at her, but observed for a few seconds as she was getting hooked up to the machine. No sense in torturing himself. She looked healthy and was reading a book too. These characteristics added up to this person appearing to be an epitome of someone he would like to meet and spend time with, at least. Daniel wondered if she was in college, or just a sweet person there donating for goodness sake, like he primarily wanted to be. Although Daniel would treat her with respect and be fun to hang out with, he was still in recovery financially. It had only been two and a half years since what he went through in Texas, Los Angeles, and Denver, and he didn't envision that girls would be interested in him, given his status financially.

Daniel had already started his donation process, but she finished before him. He focused on his phone and up at the TV, ignoring her while she left, starting to feel a sense of desire. It had also been about two and a half years since Debbie and Macey had passed away, and he hadn't even tried to meet anyone to at least talk to. The only place he went after work was the yoga studio and the grocery store. Even if he was feeling secure enough about himself, Daniel didn't think it was appropriate to approach women at the studio - that they didn't come there for that. If there were occasions of seeing someone interesting at the store, it felt awkward for him because he didn't know how to approach someone and get a conversation going. There may have been ladies he was attracted to, but he didn't feel like he had enough to offer as a partner and it limited his ability to just relax and talk.

The second time Daniel saw her there, they were both in the waiting area and he actually had a chance to walk over and introduce himself and talk to her. He was a man who has done some dangerous things for work, but wondering how or if he should approach this young lady had his anxiety level on the rise. Although things in his life were better than the first encounter, he was still in about the same position and was hesitant to approach her. Another major hang up he had, was that there were other people standing nearby that would easily hear their conversation if he would have approached her. Daniel didn’t want to be in an “on stage in front of everyone” position, and considered that she didn't want to either.

A nurse came over and called out.., Angela?

The woman went with the nurse and they walked toward the donation area.

An angel, Daniel thought, and put her up on a pedestal. Again, he didn’t stare or gawk, but with a peripheral glance he saw that she was still healthy. Frustration set in as she walked away with the nurse, because he didn't approach her. They weren’t in the same section for their donations this time, and Daniel didn’t see her when he left. He left the donation center feeling alone, so to comfort himself, he went to the store and bought a piece of carrot cake to eat.

Three years later, there she was on the laptop screen. Miss Angel was Hannah's 3rd grade teacher. She held a very strong presence in the class room, and was very nice to Hannah. Daniel didn’t know if she could see him or not, but she didn’t acknowledge that he was sitting there. Considering the challenges and hardships that had transpired the past decade, Daniel started wondering if he was ever going to be blessed and somehow get a chance to meet someone like her, and for them to like him for who he was and nothing more. He typed some sort of Thank You in the comment section for his young cousin, and moved from the couch.

After telling the story to his cousin, Daniel asked Cindi if his new plan to send some flowers to the teacher was OK or not. She thought it was sweet, giggled, and gave Daniel the OK. The next day Daniel went to the grocery store and bought a nice vase and some bright colorful flowers. He thought they were daisies, but wasn't sure. They looked cute and friendly. He grabbed some baby's breath and arranged it in the vase around the flowers. The florist wasn't around so Daniel borrowed their shears without permission to make the presentation look nice as possible. Daniel wondered that maybe the baby's breath wasn't a good idea. He definitely had a crush on the teacher, but wasn't trying to send any cryptic message and didn't want to scare her away. It was too late. He had already cut the stems of everything to fit properly in the vase, so he headed for the register and tried not to worry about it.

Daniel left the grocery store and headed toward the school to deliver the flowers. He was driving on Main Street and looked up to be reminded of an artsy craft shop called The Tea Room of Rustic Root. He realized he had forgotten to get a card, so went inside to see if they had any. There were so many nice things in the store. Everything was custom made there, and they had cards too. Although all of the cards were nice, none of the messages in them were fitting. He picked out one that was blank so he could customize it himself. While standing in line he noticed that they also had a restaurant as a part of their business and Daniel's imagination started up. Should he buy a gift certificate for Angela and a friend to have lunch? Maybe in the card he would invite her to meet there at a certain day and time, similar to a blind date. He wouldn't mind if she showed up with a friend because it would relieve some pressure. But he also imagined her showing up alone, and then them getting along well. He decided to just get the card, and talked to the person at the register about eating there some other time. She was very nice, made him feel welcome, and thanked him for coming in.

Daniel sat in his truck outside of the store and started thinking about what to write in the card. He wanted to let her know he was interested, but didn't want to overdo it. After a couple minutes of contemplation, Daniel knew the best thing to do was keep it simple and focus on his true intention, which was to only show his appreciation for someone that was doing good things in the world as an elementary school teacher and plasma donator. Although it meant he wasn't going to be approaching her like he had felt like doing, Daniel disconnected from the crush. At first he felt mildly disappointed but then he felt good about it, like he had grown as an adult being OK, being alone until another time. He thought he had already gotten to that state and been fine, but now he knew it was true.

Time had past to when school may have let out, and the card for Angela was still blank. Daniel went on to his house and started working on it. He got playful with it, drawing a picture of her family crest on the front of it with colored pencils. He thought he could have done better because he rushed it, and it was coincidently funny to him that it looked like a 3rd grader’s level of art skills. Even though he wanted her to know he liked being artsy, he grew even more in the way of accepting the drawing as it was, and not needing it to look perfect.

On the inside Daniel wrote some lighthearted goofy poem about appreciating her for the kind of person she was, and put both Hannah’s and his name on the card. It didn’t have anything mentioning wanting to meet her or include his number inviting her to call him, just a Thank You. He would leave it up to the future if he would see her out somewhere again. Then he added a schnib of paper with a joke he made up on it to hopefully make her smile.

Fruit flies, are from CincinGnati.

Daniel went to the school the next morning. He sat in his truck being nervous for a couple more minutes and for one last time imagined different scenarios that could come about. He was nervous but took a deep breath, walked up to the school, and buzzed the front door of the school. Someone came over the intercom and Daniel explained he had flowers as a gift, and asked someone to deliver them to her. The woman who came and accepted them at the door wasn't particularly mean, but she wasn't nice either, like they were to him when he worked there several times before. Negative thoughts started brewing that Theyah had already taken control of the situation, telling the people in the front office he was coming and to not give them to her. This may or may not have been true, but Daniel thought positive and felt happy and free accepting whatever the outcome of giving Angela flowers was. He gave someone flowers, period. No expectations.

A few days later, Daniel drove over to see Cindi and the kids. He got to the apartment around 10:30am. Kirk was the only one who was awake. He had his headgear with microphone on and was talking to someone while playing Fortnite. Daniel asked him who he was talking to, and he said his friend. Daniel asked him if it was a friend from school, but Kirk said it was a friend he met online. His name was Jack743. Daniel cringed, imagining Kirk's online friend was actually Theyah. He asked Kirk if he was supposed to be online for school, but he said he didn't have to be on there until later in the day. Daniel wanted to force Kirk to stop playing, but he didn't. Cindi was sitting at the dining table, so all he could do was be in the moment.

Daniel made his way around the apartment to spend time with everyone. He would have been in denial if he didn't wonder if a message came in that Hannah's teacher had received the flowers, but he didn't ask Cindi or Hannah about it. He was patient and accepted that no one brought it up. Daniel was feeling out of place now, and knew he needed to start getting busy on some projects that he had been putting off so he told everyone he loved them and went back to his apartment.

A few weeks later, Daniel needed to park his trailer somewhere so took it over to Tony's house across the street from Hannah's school. He noticed that the bus was parked in the street to load some kids up, but he didn’t think anything about it. After Daniel was done parking the trailer and was about to pull out of the driveway, he saw Angela walking toward the cars that were in the church’s parking lot that is also across the street from the school and Tony's house.

This was it. Daniel had passed up starting a conversation with women so many times over the past couple of years because of not being secure with at least his financial status. His truck is a small, twenty-five year old shabby looking ride. He changed out a bunch of the parts and it ran very well, but he couldn't believe that she would want to go on a first date in it! He used to have a nicer Toyota T-100 truck that he would have felt more comfortable in, but he believed it was sabotaged by Theyah. There had been some peculiar events occur in his driveway involving the truck, and one day without warning it refused to start.

Daniel could change parts be wasn't a master troubleshooter with vehicles. He really didn't have the money to fix it and considering the age and mileage, he feared that things were going to start to go wrong with it one after another and he wouldn't be able to afford fixing it eventually. Daniel and his T-Hunny had been through a lot together over the past 10+ years, and although no one would give him what it was worth to him, he had to sell it for thousands less, and move on. However, the day after selling it, when Daniel walked outside to his driveway, he had maybe never felt so amazing not having that extra truck in the driveway. It was like he could breath more deeply and felt free in the open space. Just like the YouTube videos and articles that had come across his feed said, ridding things linked to trauma is an intelligent step toward healing, and he could feel that happening that day.

Daniel stayed as calm as possible and went for it. He pulled across the street into the church parking lot and drove up to where she was. As nervous and insecure as he was, Daniel manned up and stopped and greeted her with a smiling "Hi, my name is Daniel. Do You have time to talk?" Angela already had her car door open and smiled back, but said "No."

Daniel kept his smile going and said, "Well, I sent You some flowers and I wondered if You got them." She tilted her head and gave another smile and said in a drawn out descending tone, "Oh Yeahhh...", like she may have appreciated it. Then he nerded out and told her "I appreciate that Hannah told me that none of the kids liked You, that You were mean." He figured that meant strict and traits of a good teacher. She continued to smile and stand at her car. Daniel gave a final "OK, Take care.", and pulled away.

The whole conversation was well under two minutes long until he was pulling out of the parking lot, fighting off the reality of rejection. He had a lump in between his throat and heart but was staying calm and relaxed. Part of him was relieved that she didn't want to talk, because the whole thing caught him off guard and he wouldn't know what to say, but he would have been in denial not to acknowledge that he was disappointed.

However within a block down the street, Daniel started talking to himself positively, and feeling proud that he finally crossed a threshold and approached someone like that for the first time since he couldn't remember. He especially acknowledged the fact that he rolled up, as is, This is me. Although Daniel didn’t get an opportunity to talk to her, someone that seemed like an ideal person he would like to meet, that was the day that Daniel took a big step toward being more secure with who he was. He started feeling good about the experience. It wasn't a failure, it was a success. There were no hard feelings. She was a plasma giving, elementary school teacher. His sweet cousin’s teacher. Like her, he had donated plasma and to an extent had been a teacher and wanted to give her a gift with no strings attached, and that is what happened.

FIVE WEEKS LATER.. Daniel's phone rang. It was Tony, letting him know there were two of the town cops looking for him to give him a letter that included allegations that Daniel harassed Angel, the day he introduced himself. Daniel spoke on the phone to one of the officers; he said Daniel was banned from all of the town's school properties. Daniel knew immediately that Theyah, or someone, had put Angel up to this. He told that to the officer, but he blew Daniel off and ended their conversation.

Daniel had a car now, beside his truck too. Coincidently the day before, both of Daniel's vehicles were towed from a business' parking lot across from his apartment building that had been closed for several years. He saw the No Parking sign in the lot, but he saw other people park in it and had been chancing it ever since he moved there recently. Daniel took two bus trips to the west side of town, and it cost him $300 to get the vehicles out from the tow yard. He needed to find a place to park his truck until he figured out what to ultimately do. He wished he could park it at Tony's, but knew there really wasn't any space. He figured he would ask the church if he could park in their lot.

Daniel wasn't amazed. Right as he walked up to the church, his grandmother's co-worker pulled up. She was a trustee there - the exact person that he needed to speak with. Unknown by Judy, this was telepathically set up too, but by whom? After offering a donation, Daniel parked his truck in the church’s lot. He went to the church there many years ago. His grandmother was the secretary, retiring right before she died. He had cred and seniority.

Daniel didn’t rush, but went to Tony's and got the letter and see what was going on. A lie was what was going on, and after reading the letter he knew it was more gas lighting connected to his vehicles being towed. Daniel had nowhere to take the truck, so left it there with confidence until he figured what to do with the truck. He didn't want to sell it.

Daniel eventually called and spoke to the school system's Assistant Superintendent about the matter. The story was that just seeing his truck sent her into a state of panic and fear. He was banned from that school’s property only though. The cop Daniel spoke to got carried away being protective, or he was part of the scam and turning the gas up. It may have been her boyfriend, or understandingly, he liked her and would follow orders like a newly trained puppy. Daniel forgot to tell the Assistant Super that someone put her up to it, but it wouldn't have mattered, he went on with what she said. It wouldn't surprise Daniel if he was in on it too.

A few weeks later Daniel considered trying to find out the truth about the ordeal. Not out of defense, but to do something different this time with the situations that people create for him to deal with. Daniel had always just kept moving and rose above their games. He toyed with a defamation lawsuit that he thought would result in the school district paying for the expenses to have his Auto-Fiction book about his experiences published, and also publish and stock his children's book in which ever school's library was proper.

Daniel went into imaginary detective, attorney, and prosecutor mode.

The letter stated that the letter was sent to the address on file. What address on what file? Where is the envelope? If she was scared, why didn’t she just get in her car and call the cops?!?, the door was open and she was about to get in as the truck was pulling up. Exactly what was said during the SEVERAL minutes that she said went by after she said No. Why did she wait over a month to report it? After these couldn’t be answered, he wanted to know who set it up and why.

Why, was to get his mind spinning, which was exactly what happened. He handled the rejection maturely in the beginning, but his feelings were definitely hurt now, and his reality was being challenged.

Daniel was processing an assortment of emotions and couldn’t decide. Should he show his growing security in who he is, not say anything, and let the whole town where he grew up think wrongly of him??, or take action and stand up for himself publicly. It wasn't about shaming her, it was about responding differently to the psy-ops, that were part of his life.

Then Daniel remembered she had on camouflage pants, and started flipping that around. Was she letting him know she was a soldier and starting some conflict, or was this a false flag operation to challenge his sense of self worth and integrity.

Daniel started thinking that although there has been numerous peculiar challenges spanning over a decade, there also has been as many, or more, instances to encourage him to better himself and break the cycle of negative thought and action patterns.

At first reading of the letter, his heart crumbled a bit, or more. Being a teacher, she taught him to not put people on pedestals, no matter how awesome they seem. This was something he was to have already learned, and may have to learn again.

Daniel had to come to the conclusion that the letter was bogus, because the letter WAS bogus. The statements in the letter, is not how it happened. The person that was described in the letter wasn’t him, and he knew that. He felt proud of himself for approaching Angela, something that is challenging for some people.

Daniel had come a long way and felt more mature the moment recognizing he was starting to be a controlling person like the way his cousin's husband who passed treated her. Same, but different.

Although his mind is not completely in control yet, Daniel Loves and accepts all of the people that had been beating the Hell out of him, for who they are. That doesn't require thought, it takes a mature adult.

Even if they are mistakes, Daniel continues to make moves in order to keep rising and make a better life for himself and others..