Why Millennials Shouldn't Feel Bad for Not Wanting Kids...Yet.

Let's face it, we - as Millennials - have had our fair share of wake-up calls as we've lived our adult lives. From a high cost of living, to student loan repayments, to realizing that you actually may not be able to afford the lifestyle you thought, to battling imposter syndrome and thoughts of failure. To be honest, finding your way through adulthood is a lot harder than any one of us probably could have ever imagined. I always thought I'd have a family unit in a two-story house and living the dream by now. That has not happened for me just yet. Instead, I've hit a few walls in my career path and have been forced to reroute my entire lifestyle. Well, I've recently become okay with letting go of my dream to one day have 5 children, and here are a few of the reasons why.

1. Kids cost too much. Listen, at the top of my list is the fact that kids are not affordable...at least not on my current bi-weekly earnings. I live close to Atlanta, Georgia, so rent every month - if I have a good enough price in a not so risky neighborhood - could be as cheap as $900 a month. Now, this isn't including utilities, car note, car insurance to get to work everyday, health insurance, and food for one at about $50 a week. This totals to a price upwards about $1,500 a month without luxuries on a bi-weekly salary. So, if I had just one child, I wouldn't be able to afford to even take care of said child. This estimated cost of living does NOT include what it would take for childcare, more food for the child, clothing for the child, and healthcare/doctor's visits for the child. Yes, I know that having a spouse would bring in extra income, but why should one be forced to work every day of their lives just to live to get by. Maybe having children should be put off for a future date until the both of you are fully comfortable. You don't have to have a child because "that's what married people do."

2. I'm still trying to figure out who I am and how to live in that. Some of us are undergoing career changes due to dreams that may have become deterred. Some of us still are in our career fields, but we've come to the realization that the work-life balance we always wanted will take a lot more effort. Some are also learning to undo trauma and unprofitable or unhealthy ways of thinking in order to heal. The more of the truth I learn, the more I realize how messed up of a person I am. The more I realize how much work I need to do as a professional, friend, and romantic partner. This could be really hard to do with a child or two constantly needing your attention - as they should get. While healing is possible, it would require great lengths of commitment on your part, and if you're ready to do that - then moving forward could be a good option for you. Mental sanity is very important. If you feel that, at the moment you can't handle the emotional and mental challenge that raising a child could take, then just wait. It's not about age...it's about stability. Are you stable enough to be present for your child and not clock out at the moment you feel that this is no longer for you? Do you have the mental capacity to take care of a child and yourself? Do you and your partner have the mental capacity to iron out your problems and take care of a child.

3. Lastly, after working all day, I just don't know if I can give of the few hours of life I have afterwards to attending to the life of another human being who is so dependent. For instance, let's say you work a 9-5 every day, which means you may get home and get settled by 6pm and have roughly 4 or 5 hours to yourself before you must get ready for the next day. Now, imagine you have a child or a few children. You may get home at 6 after picking the children up, but some days there may be after-school activities. Now, when you get home, they have to do homework, take baths, have dinner, and get put down for bed. Now, it's roughly 9pm and all you have for yourself or significant other is about an hour. Not to mention what it would take for the book you're writing or business you're trying to start or maintain.

Listen, I'm not saying that all millennials are in this position, but what I am saying is that we aren't selfish because we actually think logically. Some of us would rather be as prepared as we possibly can be to make sure we don't make the mistakes our parents made. We don't want lack, poverty, or lives that are too busy to scar our children like they scarred us.

We also realize that our lives won't always be like this. We may find that spouse to help us in such a way that we won't feel overburdened or burnt out. We may finally reach that place in our businesses or our careers where we are more financially stable to take care of additional mouths to feed.

To the millennials: You're not crazy or selfish. You're not a failure or lazy. The demands we are placed into are sometimes rough and cause us to try and mature more quickly that we thought. But it won't always be like this. Your life will line up, and you may want to come back to the thought of pursuing a family unit with children. Breathe. Think. Plan. It will work out.