Why I always have failed to change

*This article was written in 2017. Making a difference in your lifestyle might demand a big commitment and courage. However, if you decide to have the courage to change, we should at least, "give it a go".

Last Sunday night, when my 'memories of Facebook' showed my comparably fit body figure, I promised myself. "Okay, I am going to go work out starting tomorrow morning, start working on my body". However, it did not happen on Monday morning. I wanted to sleep more, I was lazy, I was not ready to drag myself to a gym. I awfully started hating myself during the afternoon, however, it wasn’t enough to lead me to a gym. Instead, I made a new promise to myself: I decided to go to the gym starting tomorrow.

Well, as of Wednesday, tomorrow was tomorrow again. I did not go to the gym on Tuesday either, and the promise to myself and self-hatred has been keeping repeated every day. It is awkward. There are many writings and before-after pictures of people on the internet who decided to give a change in their lifestyles, which inspire us 'to do something different from tomorrow'. A girl lost 20lbs after she decided to work out every day, a guy successfully finished writing a book after he decided to write some articles regularly. But, why not me?

Why others carry out their results after deciding to change, why am I always failing to just ‘give it a go’? A psychotherapist, Adler says, it is because you decide not to change.

You said you want to change right now, or even you would like to reset your life. However, why you can’t change? It is because you keep choosing not to change.

You would ask back. “Wait. I really want to change. I really want to see a better version of myself tomorrow, why would I choose not to change?” ...Maybe, you are (and I am) afraid of change.

Now, let’s imagine we are on the other side of the world. Let's suppose no one is speaking whichever language you and I speak and we do not speak their language, either. Frustrated? I would be. It is lunchtime, and we see two restaurants. One is McDonald’s, and the other one serves their traditional food - which we have no idea what their food is like. Which restaurant would you choose to go to?

Did you decide to give it a go for the new food? Now, you have to face the menu written in foreign languages without any pictures, and there are no people who can help you to explain what that is. You might end up with something… you never expected. Did you choose to go to McDonald's? Well, that’s what I chose, and I am sure some of you did too. By choosing McDonald’s, we just refused the challenge in our lives. Instead, we chose ‘secure’ feelings and ‘predictable’ things. We know what to get in McDonald’s: Big Mac!

As human beings, we always put ourselves at the crossroads of choice. Even though you are not wholly satisfied with your life, staying in a status-quo is more comfortable and predictable than changing your lifestyle. You would know what might happen, and what consequences would be because you have lived like that for a long time. Change in your lifestyle would give you an unpredictable future and ‘insecurity’. This is why it is hard to make changes in our lives. However, it is not impossible to change. It’s just:

When you want to change your lifestyle, you need a big ‘courage’.

Courage to fail. Courage to change. Courage to bear an unpredictable future. Of course, they are not that easy as they sound. You need strong motivation. Why do you want to change? What difference would that change make in your life? If you have someone who can keep encouraging you to change, it would be easier for you to keep up with your everyday challenges as well. Look around, who’s trying to make a change in their lifestyle? Who already made a change in their lifestyle? It can be some celebrities you admire, or even yourself! If you are too afraid of big changes, start from small things. While big and dramatic changes can make you more afraid, changing your habit one by one is easier and less risky.

Last Thursday morning, I finally dragged myself out of my bed. What motivated me was my reflection in a fitting room’s mirror. I could see myself from every angle, who’s finally ready to change. I finally had the courage to change my lifestyle and to see a ‘different me’. I decided to start with small changes by giving 30 minutes a day for myself to exercise. I started participating in an online workout community which would encourage me to keep going. I do not know how long it will last. But, I know now, after failing few times, I can always put myself back on track with a little bit of ‘courage to change’ and new motivation.

Qoutes are from a book of Kishimi Ichiro, Koga Fumitake (2013) The courage to be disliked 岸見 一郎, 古賀 史健 (2013) 嫌われる勇気 (Kirawareru yuki)