Why Forgiving Yourself Is Powerful

If I asked you to think of a list of people whose forgiveness you wish you had, who would you think of? Over the course of a lifetime, your list may be a long one. Maybe you missed your son’s baseball games, or took one too many phone calls at dinner with the family. Perhaps you missed being present for a loved one’s final days.

When we think about ‘forgiveness’, it is only natural to look to the external. Other people. Surely, you want the validation of your son’s forgiveness, or to know that your loved ones understand why you weren’t there for them in their time of need.

But the forgiveness of others is not something we can demand, control, or really, something we should seek. The old saying that ‘you can’t control what happens to you, only how you respond to it’ is true. And applies to forgiveness, too.

We cannot control if someone we care for chooses to forgive us. What we can control is who we choose to forgive. And we should start with ourselves.

The need for forgiveness is not unique. It is discussed widely in many texts throughout human history, from the Bible, to the Torah, to secular texts in fiction and nonfiction. It is an important theme in humanity, to say the least. If we cannot first forgive ourselves, how can we expect to be forgiven in turn?

This is one of the most powerful things you can do in your life. Learn forgiveness of your own actions. Forgive yourself. You are human. You are fallible. You are here to make mistakes so that you can learn from them.

Forgiving yourself allows you to live by example so that others can see that it is possible. It is not always easy to have compassion for yourself, but it is something that can be profoundly liberating. It makes it okay to be human, make mistakes, and learn from them so that you can step into who you want to be. By living by example.

One of the reasons why forgiving yourself is so important is that it helps one to recognize the true power that you yield over your own well-being. It can be easy to go through each day in a haze of guilt, regret, resentment, shame, or a whole host of negative emotions which we commonly carry on our backs. While these are perfectly understandable and valid emotions to have, they are not meant to be carried forever. We can choose to let them go, but it is only ourselves which can give ourselves that freedom.

While the interactions with others or ourselves may be partly responsible for the guilt or shame which we may feel, others cannot give us the liberation from those same feelings. Whether another forgives us for our actions is irrelevant when it comes to our own well-being. As the Bible reminds us, we cannot control the forgiveness of others, we can only control the forgiveness we allow ourselves.

It can be uncertain territory to navigate when learning how to forgive ourselves, but awareness that we have the power to do so is often the first step. It may be daunting to think of, considering the responsibility that comes attached, but acting upon those thoughts is life-changing. It can help free you from your self-imposed chains. Recognizing you hold both the lock and the key is a powerful thought indeed.

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Previously Published on Mickey Markoff Inspirations

About Mickey Markoff

Mickey Markoff is best-known as an executive producer of the Air and Sea Show. Markoff is also President of MDM Group, an innovative South Florida firm that develops effective multidimensional marketing campaigns. Learn more about Mickey Markoff , and the history of the air and sea show here.

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